there was a moment today, just after we, the 80 or so yogis, inhaled as one.
‘ommmmm’, we chanted with our exhale, just as the wind picked up and crawled between the sun and the shade to the echo of our energy. ‘whhhooooshhh’, it answered, as the space between the trees where we stood came to vibrant life. the pulsating, invisible power of our collective om – the breath of the wind, the flow.
it was divinity. it was love and everything else.
yogadelaide. botanic park, adelaide.
i returned to the heat, today. that room – the torture chamber – where my thoughts run wild and free. she spoke the dialogue, the yogic instructions, in an accent made of many. and i barely listened, focussing only on the madness in my head.
for 90 minutes, my mind raced, as it always does, through everything. but there’s a clarity in those thoughts that i wouldn’t otherwise find. a philosophy of life breathes sense into me, into my being. until my cells are illuminated with the epiphanies, realisations and mind bending conclusions that form so brightly in my mind, in that room, in that heat.
it felt so good to go back, surrounded by that familiar smell, the heat, the stretch, the flex, the peace.
nothing can steal happiness, peace away from you: if anyone does make you angry, you are the loser; if someone can allow you to lose peace, you are the loser.
she tells a story, at the end of every class. it’s spiritual, always. then there’s the way she talks through the postures: the reason for the stretch, the pain, the suffocation. the way you feel in each pose. what it means for your spirit. she brings it back to the breath, the pranic breath that clears the day and cleanses the soul. readies you for new life, because breath is life.
in and out, the energy floods my body.
it was hot in the room tonight, because it was hot today. and my water was warm. there was no relief. sweat poured from my pores as soon as i walked in. but it felt good. it felt like the day was melting away. this day, filled with negativity, leaving my body, disappearing with every stretch in every direction. the heat was oppressive, but it was undeniably liberating: each breath, new life.
with my ear on the towel, she drew my attention to my heartbeat and the sound of every inhale and every exhale. there it was, so steady and strong. i was emptying my lungs of everything unnecessary. filling them with intention.
it was a nice reminder – never, never, never forget my heart.
she asked us to stay present tonight. to stay in the room. to stay with each breath. but my mind was racing. a million miles an hour it was racing. i was thinking and planning and dreaming up moments.
what we’d say. what the weather would be like. how it would all end up.
mmm. my mind was racing. thoughts of how and when and wishing on stars. of what’s next and where to. what am i meant to do with it all? my mind jumped from thought to thought as my body moved from pose to pose.
but i came back to my breath in yoga tonight, filling my lungs, my soul, with new, positive, liberating energy. the opposite fading with each determined exhale.
i came back to my breath, yes, even as those thoughts tried to rush around my body, with the blood coursing through my heart, beating so fast.
i’ll tame my wild thoughts. one day i will.
it’s the little things now. remembering to check my energy at the door and clear my mind of chaotic thoughts. to bring about peace and keep hopes high without a wonder of what will be or when it will happen or how i think it should end up. letting it alone.
bikram yoga allows me that. those rushed and manic moments are soon melted away in the heat and the sweat and the stretch.
it’s becoming me.