a new month.
i’ve been so long, here with you,
not nearly long enough.
and i think about the time we spent
where it all went
what we did and how we stayed so still
in the quiet moments.
the moments our hearts spoke only what we meant.
we couldn’t buy this kind of love. we couldn’t even dream it. yet here we are, bathing in river mist and mountain peaks and rainforests shrouding us in the greenest most deliberate decorated mossiness.
you put your toes in any water and feel the cold or surprising warmth. and it makes me smile when you jump in
seeing you come out all wet
pricking water droplets
sending them rolling off your skin.
is it the rain or the river?
it doesn’t seem to change, no matter how much i push or pull time just scurries right away from all this is. no matter how much we want it to stop still and rest for a bit. no matter how much it suffocates and liberates and drowns and frees all the outrageous realities we’re slowly, beautifully sinking in between.
we bury our toes and open our hearts and let it all unfold in a beautiful picture of all that has passed
of all that’s yet to come.
life happens so fast.
i am not my weight, i am not my age, i am not my height. nor am i the colour of my skin or eyes or hair. i am not woman not female, lady or girl. i am not the poor decisions i’ve made in the past, or the things i once chose to prioritise. i am not the little money i’ve had, or the money i’ve spent. i am not my drunken nights, not my excuses or my reasons, not the things i say, not the things i should have said.
i am not my mistakes.
i am not the same as you.
i am not,
and never will be,
what you expect me to be.
i am me.
i am flawed.
i am human.
the people here, they get me. they get what i’m about and so they get all of me. the conversations were what i missed most when i left. and they’re what i’m most grateful for, being back.
it has been a while now since i started realising the force of these islands. realising where we all stand in the greater, grander, more powerful way of life. realising how we create a collective energy and feed the vibrations of all that surrounds us. in the fibres of the leaves on the trees so old or young. in the petals of the flowers that hang from branches, that rest behind ears. in the simple creation and dissipation of a single raindrop and the rain and storms from rainclouds and storm clouds in a sky so wide.
we are the everything we find in the spectrum of a rainbow. we’re all the colours, all the brightness. we’re all the stopping and staring, the awe and the wonder. and it’s here that my energy finds your energy and you don’t ebb to my flow but we swim up the rivers of our lives as one, single, pulsating devotion to all that is beautiful, for all that exists with or without us here.
because life goes on. but life on these islands works like magic. it ticks with the hands of a watch built in history, mythology and indescribable happenstance that only lives alongside hearts wide open and souls ready to be filled to the brim with the all of it.
this island, you all, get the all of me, like maybe no one has ever known. so go, find me in the valleys, find me on the ridges. find me in the ocean and on beaches. find me where you need me and know that i’ll appear, in glistening sunsets and never-ending horizons that seem so close as we watch them fall away with the push and pull of the sun. know i’ll be here, for you with you in you.
the signs will always point you, but rules are to be broken and your heart takes all the weight of the words you’ve never spoken.
be brave enough to follow and believe your biggest dreams, because your soul can’t always wait for life and in betweens.
the everything else that’s biting and gnawing and scratching at the ends of every day gone by every life lived in yesterday every hope of tomorrow that never really comes so you’ll make it what you’ll make it make it better make it count make it love and live everything you know so deeply in your beautiful wonderful heart the loveliest you know the loveliest there is so goddamned full of love.
[a map to all the stars of the universe that lives inside my heart.]
at 11:11 i spoke to the universe.
at 11:12 i smiled, with my heart, as the universe spoke back.
an interaction just long enough to remind me why i’ll never lose faith in what awaits. why i’ll forever believe in the power and energy that surrounds me. why i am so sure that this life i’m living is perfect and pure. why love has always been and will always be the answer.
and everything is just how it’s meant to be. the connection to the world. me, my breath, the wind and the earth. you, and your breath, the sky and the sea.
everything is perfect. everything is love. everything is free.
don’t forget your heart. its beat marks a map to the scattered constellations of your universe. the stories, the wisdom, the lessons of life. each star a voice, a moment. space. ever-changing. full of dreams just waiting to be chased.
so don’t forget your heart. it may speak quietly, but love lives in the whispers. in midnight conversations. in the space halfway between staring eyes. the answers are always closer than you think. simply, from your head, to your heart.
and just let it be.
set your watch to the sun
travel with an open heart, mind, soul and spirit. and open your eyes.
find your way by space and energy. stop and breathe, and remember what it’s all about.
be a child of the universe.
be anonymous, be discoverable.
be organically you.
become lost. and find yourself in it all.
in every murmur of this wild, wonderful world.
just find love.
when do you start following the signs? listening to all the movements of the universe?
its whispers have turned into screams.
life is so short.
the universe is testing me. i know it is. it has been for a little bit now.
sometimes i think things have come a little easy for me. to me. falling into my lap. last year started a long haul toward a goal that began to seem out of reach. this year, it came yet i’m still being thrown off balance.
with love, too.
i know what you’re doing. i know what you want me to think. but i won’t give up. nope. this is my time. positivity. freedom of thought liberating my spirit and breathing deeply into my soul the air to push me forward. into life. into living all of those wondrous moments that will come from the tests laying before me.
it’s on, universe. challenge accepted.