dreamstate

i’ve been dreaming of far-away places. of travelling and exploring countries anew. i’ve been dreaming of adventure, of cities stuck in my subconscious just waiting to arrive at my real life.

my mind is taking me to dreamstates i forgot even existed. and with so much talk of meant-to-be and mother earth with her whispers of wind and sea and silence all at once, it’s hard to ignore.

just then. just then, i looked up to see a rainbow in the sky.

you can’t tell me she’s not helping to direct my course. you can’t tell me she’s not listening to all my wills and wants. so, wherever is next is where i’ll be. travelling the hypnotic motion of everything as it should be.

the ocean on a hillside

together, speeding by, they look like rolling parallel waves then, one by one, they open up into corridors of yellow and green. old, bare-branches twisted wildly in the wintry sun.

the light. he is my light.

his skin was aglow with the fading warming sun,
even his eyes looked piercingly alight.
he stared out, i told him to wait, he stopped for me [reluctantly].
he was swallowing sunbeams and shining them right back at the sky. he didn’t even know how wonderful he was in that moment, as i fell evermore in love. he didn’t even know that i could feel all of him from where i stood, not so far away.

[i feel it all over again when i look at the flush in his cheeks in the picture i took.]

somehow it came out in the day we shared – a sunday best spent – as the sun set and the moon rose, and we soaked in salty air
the moving tide moved us closer.

the conversation turned to starlight as the moon rose over the hill we sat upon. cloudless and windless, our minds were aflutter. red wine stained our thoughts and words and we laughed and laughed and laughed.

at the end of it all, i couldn’t believe how much i loved him.
still, more.
every second,
more.

two lives, intertwined

i live two lives.
they are winding rivers flowing parallel.
they are ravines shifting and creaking side-by-side.
they are the branches and the roots of his favourite madrona tree, with its burnt orange bark and evergreen leaves.

they are the moon and the sun. they are darkness and light
[and lightness and love].
forever moving forward i still get lost in this world.
then lost in his.

we’re lost in our love.

we become those days where the moon stays high in the sun-drenched sky. we become those evenings that remain so bright with dusk. my river follows his direction; his ravine keeps mine safe; his roots feed my branches and we both grow and move and change. time licks at our hearts and brings us ever closer to each other.

we are the link, the reason, the intertwining force. and our hearts provide the space where our duality intersects. where our two lives become the perfect, placid grace of one. where we wish on one another, know the magic as we feel it. surrender and deliver and discover and become.

we live two lives, but we live them as one.

because that’s what we are.

how

  
how did i find you in all of this? how you and how me and how did we come to meet and be so energetically, magically, uncontrollably in love? and with all the time and all the places we could have ever been. then, as much as it’s how, i know without a doubt, it was always going to be you and me. 

when soon comes

 it’s not just me missing you
it’s that you’re just so very missing
from all the mundane, ordinary, easy things. from all the hard and heartbreaking and overwhelming moments. from the fun. from the normalcy, from the new and old
from everything else.

there’s too much absence and space and time between us.

i miss you ’cause you’re missing when i’d much rather we were loving and touching and kissing instead.

i miss you, in every way there is.

and all the absence and space, the time the waiting can be replaced for all i care, with everything you, with everything us.

i’m holding out for so soon – so soon isn’t nearly soon enough.

live fast, love hard

  
my pulse races with the thickness of these moments caught in time. it’s all too much. and everyday i think i might both burst and dissolve from the fright of feeling so much, from the heat of loving so hard and fast. 

togetherness 

  
we took a drive and spent some time in the woods and off the grid. so many magical things happen when we’re in nature together…

falling deeper and deeper. 

colonial creek, washington.

four days in one

 in the absolute knick of time, we made it onto the ferry to that island [where we feel heartbeats down streets and see love upon leaves falling from their trees]. i stood, a little sunburnt, in the unforgiving wind who made goosebumps on my skin, and walked around the deck, watching as the 9pm sun turned the sky lilac orange and cream, as far as i could see all the way to shadowing mountain peaks.

this weekend made me miss home, but feel home, and realise just how much everything in me is taking me by surprise lately. i never knew i could feel so much in a single minute. 

we were well and truly into fresh and clean air. i looked up. the night sky took my breath away and feebleness took over my sense of being alive and here and able and me. i’d forgotten how beautiful she was with no city lights to blind her.

the milky way lit our way as we walked to the beach and onto silky sands. we laid, side-by-side, wrapped in a blanket, and stared out across the eerily illuminated water. a green blinking light and a hub of orange so so far from us the only lights other than satellites and starlight. we watched them move or blink.

this night, i saw the most shooting stars i’ve ever seen, and one especially long and bright and deeply carved into the sky, one that put tears in my eyes and made me see how right this all, everything, is.

this night was all a part of the whole of it. this weekend was cramps in my stomach from laughing so hard. it was showering under a hose and his smile and playing like kids shooting hoops and getting dusty. it was dancing on the grass to no music at all and jumping into his arms in pure all-consuming bliss.

this was about me falling deeper in love. in a way i never saw coming like it did and it does, on wonderful days and ordinary days and days i don’t expect, as i spend time watching and observing and noticing every small and important detail of the way he moves and looks and is. and i’m building ladders and bridges and mountains of love to him for him because of him. and i’m learning everyday.