you know pearl, you can’t touch the stars, they’re very, very far away.
when i get bigga,
i can touch the staaars.
i can gwrab dem all.
she said. nodding her head in unwavering assuredness.
i’ve been looking, i’ve been wandering. i’ve been intertwining my life with as many similar soul searchers as fate allows.
she’s two and a half and she has all the answers.
the innocence. the possibility. an uninhibited, simple fire for an uninhibited, simple life. for joy. for amplifying happiness with books and songs, balloons, music and dancing. with stories from memories, from her imagination. feeding goldfish, blowing bubbles. singing and laughing and loving.
she’s a good kid. the best kid i know.
she will touch the stars, big or small, they twinkle and shine for her.
let’s sling a hammock in the clouds, tie it to the stars and stay a little while. the sky looks like fun tonight, strewn with impressionism, with flecks of white so dimensional, so still. like a painted reality we find ourselves so helplessly standing beneath.
let’s fall into each other, the way we know how. let’s forget all the rest and just find the depth in the here and the now. because the sky looks like fun and this feels like magic and it’d be so nice to camp up there, in the clouds with birds for our neighbours, ever moving with the wind with the weather, with the wild and wonderful motions of the world.
let’s let constellations map the way to neverland. i won’t grow up if you won’t grow up.
i was stretched on my back, on a picnic table on a deck, looking up in astounding delightedness. shooting stars and fireflies made movement in the stillness. my mind emptied of care, all thoughts were sparse. i was a part of the nighttime and the darkness as it all exploded behind my eyes – shooting stars and those pretty, flitting fireflies, the first night i ever saw them.
the blackness was pinched with pinpricks of white light, so unusually bright, so usually dimmed by cities and society. and across the sky the milky way shifted. i felt uneasy and so comfortable with my momentary insignificance, feebleness.
the sky is so big. the stars are so far away. i am the smallest part of the ever long. but i am all of it too, and all of it is born and lives in me.
so maybe the world is small and i am bigger than i know. because i can express these illogical, incomprehensible feelings. i can make whatever meaning i like of the emotion that floods my being. i can find my place within the life i’m living and accepting for myself. i have chosen this. and i am so satisfied with that.
i breathed into the night and exhaled a sigh of content.
i don’t know if i’ve ever seen a night sky so pretty.
but don’t ask me now. i don’t have the answers.
i don’t know why it seems that the stars shine brighter or the sun dances with twinkling grace on my skin.
i don’t know why it changes what i do and how i think.
i don’t know much about what you want to know, but i do know about me.
so go ahead.
[a map to all the stars of the universe that lives inside my heart.]
the only way i’ll ever live.
let’s count the stars tonight,
you and me.
oh feel this heart of mine.
and listen. i’m sure you can hear it beating from way across the universe. between all the stars and galaxies. between all the space, between