longer, still

once, we didn’t know each other. once, we hadn’t met. i was younger then, and maybe not quite me, i was just searching and waiting for life to sweep me off my feet.
then, it was you.
forever it is you.
so maybe this was written
entirely in the stars.
a constellation love story burning bright, somewhere far across the universe.
there was never a beginning, you know, just a place where we picked up. a moment in time to bring us back together.
we were only ever inches from each other,
for each other.
made for this.
to meet and meet and meet again.
in all the lifetimes we’ve ever had.
and we might spend eternity finding one another in that writing in the stars.
i’ve known you from ago.

four days in one

 in the absolute knick of time, we made it onto the ferry to that island [where we feel heartbeats down streets and see love upon leaves falling from their trees]. i stood, a little sunburnt, in the unforgiving wind who made goosebumps on my skin, and walked around the deck, watching as the 9pm sun turned the sky lilac orange and cream, as far as i could see all the way to shadowing mountain peaks.

this weekend made me miss home, but feel home, and realise just how much everything in me is taking me by surprise lately. i never knew i could feel so much in a single minute. 

we were well and truly into fresh and clean air. i looked up. the night sky took my breath away and feebleness took over my sense of being alive and here and able and me. i’d forgotten how beautiful she was with no city lights to blind her.

the milky way lit our way as we walked to the beach and onto silky sands. we laid, side-by-side, wrapped in a blanket, and stared out across the eerily illuminated water. a green blinking light and a hub of orange so so far from us the only lights other than satellites and starlight. we watched them move or blink.

this night, i saw the most shooting stars i’ve ever seen, and one especially long and bright and deeply carved into the sky, one that put tears in my eyes and made me see how right this all, everything, is.

this night was all a part of the whole of it. this weekend was cramps in my stomach from laughing so hard. it was showering under a hose and his smile and playing like kids shooting hoops and getting dusty. it was dancing on the grass to no music at all and jumping into his arms in pure all-consuming bliss.

this was about me falling deeper in love. in a way i never saw coming like it did and it does, on wonderful days and ordinary days and days i don’t expect, as i spend time watching and observing and noticing every small and important detail of the way he moves and looks and is. and i’m building ladders and bridges and mountains of love to him for him because of him. and i’m learning everyday.

new friends old place new place old friends

here i am,
wednesday,
drinking tea in starbucks, it tastes like spearmint [though he told me that it wouldn’t, but i don’t want to complain. i swear i’ll never learn].

travelling, writing, adventuring, living, making a life with a man i love with all my heart. strolling together, hand in hand, along the streaming days that pass us by. and there goes a week.
i’m living. i’m living and finding my feet in this fairytale’s summertime heat.

last night i sat on the roof of a building in pioneer square watching the sun as it set behind a veil of sheeting clouds and silhouette mountains on the puget sound.
the wind blew goosebumps onto my bare skin and set a tall, billowing flag floating strong and proud into nowhere, reminding me of the place i’m in.

i drank red wine over dinner with a girl i feel i’ve known a while longer than i have. we spoke about life and love and adventures and connection. flames of the fire pit blew towards us as the warmth of our conversation grew and expanded to life’s biggest priorities, our feminine independence and the beauty of loving ourselves.

two then became three as we devoured dessert in the dulling light and laughed about the silliest things. two girls and a guy, a rooftop and the naked navy sky with no moon to light it. we settled into knowing each other and melted into the gas and heat of the fire burning at our feet.

you, me and autumn leaves.

i followed the moon. all the way home. more than half a moon, it glowed.
[your moon, my moon,
our moon.]
did you see it tonight?
oh and the sky is so clear! truly, all the stars are out.
i wished on them too. i stopped when i saw the first star at dusk, the sky was still blue.
star light star bright, it winked at me through the fluttering leaves of an autumn tree
stark branches on top
red orange green leaves
down
below.
all my wishes are coming true.
all my wishes know you.

later

the sky
the night sky
it looked a little different,
as i walked outside into the cool(er) air, it relieved me from this heat-drenched day. the ground was still, uncomfortably, warm.

the moon was almost full. the stars glowed a little more expertly than usual. a plane passed between the two, the stars and the moon, to paint a trail of creamy white against darkened blue, a line to break the blind.

but more spectacular still, on the horizon glowed a far-off bushfire. a plume of smoke.
big.
intimidating.
a haunting contrast to the normalcy of the stars and the moon and the big dark blue.
red and orange and a smokey plume.
drifting across tonight’s nighttime.
tonight’s night sky.

a whole lot of movement in the ordinary stillness.
the heat and the plane,
the glow,
the fire far away.

we, the wick

there’s a fire in me
in this 
in us
there’s a fire of red and golden flames.
they lick at my words
and mock my memory 
my memory that tries
so hard 
to burn as bright. 

it does.
don’t take that away.
it does.

maybe you did put all those stars in the sky.

twinkle twinkle

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you know pearl, you can’t touch the stars, they’re very, very far away.

well aaunty,
when i get bigga,
i can touch the staaars.

i can gwrab dem all.

she said. nodding her head in unwavering assuredness.

i’ve been looking, i’ve been wandering. i’ve been intertwining my life with as many similar soul searchers as fate allows.
she’s two and a half and she has all the answers.
the innocence. the possibility. an uninhibited, simple fire for an uninhibited, simple life. for joy. for amplifying happiness with books and songs, balloons, music and dancing. with stories from memories, from her imagination. feeding goldfish, blowing bubbles. singing and laughing and loving.

she’s a good kid. the best kid i know.

she will touch the stars, big or small, they twinkle and shine for her.

peter pan

let’s sling a hammock in the clouds, tie it to the stars and stay a little while. the sky looks like fun tonight, strewn with impressionism, with flecks of white so dimensional, so still. like a painted reality we find ourselves so helplessly standing beneath.

let’s fall into each other, the way we know how. let’s forget all the rest and just find the depth in the here and the now. because the sky looks like fun and this feels like magic and it’d be so nice to camp up there, in the clouds with birds for our neighbours, ever moving with the wind with the weather, with the wild and wonderful motions of the world.

let’s let constellations map the way to neverland. i won’t grow up if you won’t grow up.

starry-eyed

i was stretched on my back, on a picnic table on a deck, looking up in astounding delightedness. shooting stars and fireflies made movement in the stillness. my mind emptied of care, all thoughts were sparse. i was a part of the nighttime and the darkness as it all exploded behind my eyes – shooting stars and those pretty, flitting fireflies, the first night i ever saw them.

the blackness was pinched with pinpricks of white light, so unusually bright, so usually dimmed by cities and society. and across the sky the milky way shifted. i felt uneasy and so comfortable with my momentary insignificance, feebleness.

the sky is so big. the stars are so far away. i am the smallest part of the ever long. but i am all of it too, and all of it is born and lives in me. 

so maybe the world is small and i am bigger than i know. because i can express these illogical, incomprehensible feelings. i can make whatever meaning i like of the emotion that floods my being. i can find my place within the life i’m living and accepting for myself. i have chosen this. and i am so satisfied with that. 

i breathed into the night and exhaled a sigh of content. 

i don’t know if i’ve ever seen a night sky so pretty.