curve your spirit to mine and find the straight and wayward lines to travel by. cross your heart [don’t hope to die].
let’s take our time.
feed my soul.
my skin, my cells, my blood, muscles and bones – my body – feels happy, full, strong. but like a starving bluebird in an ornate cage, i ache. i hunger. for everything i don’t have. for everything i need to survive, to flourish, to dream. to be me [my spirit, my life, my soul – the energy of my being].
a waterfall of flavour, a torrent of craving. it will never be enough.
it was like it always existed, but never showed up til then. til now.
there’s an alchemist that lives in my heart. he injects my veins with love, with light, with energy, spirit, passion, hunger for belonging, and longing for it all. i watch as the elixir evaporates into tiny particles of loveliness. like sundays in a summer dress; autumn leaves that float too gently through the rippling breeze; dew gathering momentum as it slides into itself down blades of grass; then the smell of spring – of tulips, a hillside, the warming sun on dampened pavement.
the seasons of my heart, making good what has never been bad, just empty. til then, til now. i watch it fall like the leaves of the elm trees that line the street below my house.
she tells a story, at the end of every class. it’s spiritual, always. then there’s the way she talks through the postures: the reason for the stretch, the pain, the suffocation. the way you feel in each pose. what it means for your spirit. she brings it back to the breath, the pranic breath that clears the day and cleanses the soul. readies you for new life, because breath is life.
in and out, the energy floods my body.
it was hot in the room tonight, because it was hot today. and my water was warm. there was no relief. sweat poured from my pores as soon as i walked in. but it felt good. it felt like the day was melting away. this day, filled with negativity, leaving my body, disappearing with every stretch in every direction. the heat was oppressive, but it was undeniably liberating: each breath, new life.
with my ear on the towel, she drew my attention to my heartbeat and the sound of every inhale and every exhale. there it was, so steady and strong. i was emptying my lungs of everything unnecessary. filling them with intention.
it was a nice reminder – never, never, never forget my heart.