the light. he is my light.

his skin was aglow with the fading warming sun,
even his eyes looked piercingly alight.
he stared out, i told him to wait, he stopped for me [reluctantly].
he was swallowing sunbeams and shining them right back at the sky. he didn’t even know how wonderful he was in that moment, as i fell evermore in love. he didn’t even know that i could feel all of him from where i stood, not so far away.

[i feel it all over again when i look at the flush in his cheeks in the picture i took.]

somehow it came out in the day we shared – a sunday best spent – as the sun set and the moon rose, and we soaked in salty air
the moving tide moved us closer.

the conversation turned to starlight as the moon rose over the hill we sat upon. cloudless and windless, our minds were aflutter. red wine stained our thoughts and words and we laughed and laughed and laughed.

at the end of it all, i couldn’t believe how much i loved him.
still, more.
every second,
more.

last night, dreamlike 

  
we ate sushi by the lake wrapped in a blanket watching dusk do crazy beautiful things to the buildings of this urban seattle skyline. 

today

it rained on me. hot, heavy drops of humid air falling from a flattened and glaring grey sky. i walked and it smelled of wetted asphalt and smoky gasoline and dirty brown grassiness dampened by those hot, heavy drops of humid air, delivered to my t-shirt and my toes and my hair from this near-white seattle sky with no dimension or texture or clouds to decipher. 

15 june 

 

sunset last night turned from this to fluorescent pink before night’s first stars appeared. i wished on them as i sat and soaked it all in washing it all down with the bloodiest bloody mary and the best kind of company, him.

in that moment

but who am i to know the difference? who am i to call the spade by its real name and forget all those things that came before and stole my thoughts away. nothing existed before this. i checked out i floated and i grasped only onto the littlest breath to save me as i fell victim to wanting and waiting. as i became the pining that became the all of me.

and that time seems misspent. it became the in between i constantly seem caught in. and sure the cycle may end and sure the pieces may fall, but i know more than all of that and i wasted time and i lost track. i wasn’t me, not in entirety. my body walked and stumbled through the life in front of me, while my mind and my heart and my soul had stayed behind.

but i found it all again when i stepped off the plane and into washington air and saw the white of his smile through the glare of his car’s front windscreen, traffic backed up, i waited for him to find a stop, for that first touch, after so long away. and in one moment, into me flooded all that mind and heart and soul that i thought i’d lost in all the chaos. in this other life i became whole, in that moment, as he held me and we swayed and it felt just like yesterday and not eighty days between each kiss.

never has time played so elusively. never have i felt more out of control. never have i felt like i needed something, not like this. when i left i left it here, all my greatest parts are his.

we took to the skies and collided, in the universe of our thoughts, exploding into stardust and all the bits and pieces of hope and love and forever.