once, we didn’t know each other. once, we hadn’t met. i was younger then, and maybe not quite me, i was just searching and waiting for life to sweep me off my feet.
then, it was you.
forever it is you.
so maybe this was written
entirely in the stars.
a constellation love story burning bright, somewhere far across the universe.
there was never a beginning, you know, just a place where we picked up. a moment in time to bring us back together.
we were only ever inches from each other,
for each other.
made for this.
to meet and meet and meet again.
in all the lifetimes we’ve ever had.
and we might spend eternity finding one another in that writing in the stars.
i’ve known you from ago.
here i am,
drinking tea in starbucks, it tastes like spearmint [though he told me that it wouldn’t, but i don’t want to complain. i swear i’ll never learn].
travelling, writing, adventuring, living, making a life with a man i love with all my heart. strolling together, hand in hand, along the streaming days that pass us by. and there goes a week.
i’m living. i’m living and finding my feet in this fairytale’s summertime heat.
last night i sat on the roof of a building in pioneer square watching the sun as it set behind a veil of sheeting clouds and silhouette mountains on the puget sound.
the wind blew goosebumps onto my bare skin and set a tall, billowing flag floating strong and proud into nowhere, reminding me of the place i’m in.
i drank red wine over dinner with a girl i feel i’ve known a while longer than i have. we spoke about life and love and adventures and connection. flames of the fire pit blew towards us as the warmth of our conversation grew and expanded to life’s biggest priorities, our feminine independence and the beauty of loving ourselves.
two then became three as we devoured dessert in the dulling light and laughed about the silliest things. two girls and a guy, a rooftop and the naked navy sky with no moon to light it. we settled into knowing each other and melted into the gas and heat of the fire burning at our feet.
i burn and i shiver and it’s you.
in trembling hands and lips and skin it’s you.
i walk into the fire (you you you) and i burn and i shiver and i move
burning for you
i’m burning i’m on fire i’m all heat and heart and yearning. and yeses too far apart
i’m burning i’m breathing
but there’s no air.
even in your heat i still breathe.
but it’s different. it’s more.
it’s your love
that keeps me so desperately alive.
i’m scared to fall asleep
in this bed
without you here,
without you lying next to
drown in dreary darkness
in a hopeless distant wonder
of a time and place with nothing but the sound
of all that’s pure and pleasant.
like the wind.
like whispering you love me against my lips into my open mouth as we kiss
drown in breaths so shallow, so gasping and so urgent.
drown in the emotion that both murders and revives
that both swears and sighs
that casts and reels
hides and reveals.
drown in all the loneliness, the emptiness, the suffering.
drown in the mystery and blue of my vast unending sea.
and i’ll float up your veins
in your thick red blood, love-stained
it won’t be long before we’re a saturated mix of
salty water bloodied love.
so happy to drown.
so happy to drown.
and one day soon
i’ll find my way
[across seas and hurdles
back to you.
and you’ll hold me like i never could leave and i’ll stay there like i never would move and the heat will make us melt into the breath between the kiss between this love between all of me and all of you.
and all this time will fade as we melt
and everything will be still as we melt
and we’ll realise how hard it will be
as we melt.
and one day, our melting
[all of mine and all of yours]
will blur and blend
[oh, we won’t be able to tell our melted parts apart].
i’ll take your reds and make pinks and you’ll take my yellows and make greens. and our rainbow will be the only home we’ll want to know and we’ll burn burn burn as one. warmer and brighter than we ever could before.
and like no other.
and i feel like myself, a little more a little more. as each minute passes. as light fades to turn the sky to the darkest blue and black.
i’ve been waiting all day to escape to the coma of a dream-filled night
as the sun and the warmth have done nothing but mock the numb and the burnt and the broken.
i feel like myself a little more and more than that.
but that’s all.