in just one day, i fell in love with all you are, with all the things i saw and knew i wanted [i needed]. i fell in love with the way you made me feel, the way you looked at me, the way we kissed and made love. i fell in love with our words, our conversation, our laughter. your stories, your gentleness, the way you chose to live your life. i fell in love with the moment and with us in the moment. with what we were and what we were fast becoming, and knowing all we would so surely be.
and now we’re here, we became this glorious dream, an unfolding of all our intuition and feeling. and we have all our days to continue falling deeper into this love we’re growing and sharing, exploring, still discovering, together.
and all the days of our lives would never be enough to travel the depths our love extends. but it’s here and we’re here, we’re caught in the delicious middle of it, this most beautiful kind of love.
it’s entirely necessary, how much i love him. the breathing the heart-beating.
it’s certain and it’s bold and it’s wrapped in gladness and gratitude, all our stories told and retold.
it’s necessary, it’s beautiful and so clear. we dream we hope we know.
it’ll come. it’ll stay.
it’s all we need.
my pulse races with the thickness of these moments caught in time. it’s all too much. and everyday i think i might both burst and dissolve from the fright of feeling so much, from the heat of loving so hard and fast.
through all the phases and the movement and the colour, through all the day and night, the dreaming the thinking… the thinking thinking thinking, you’re there, always there.
i feel my heart beat hard as it vibrates against my skin, stomach, throat and chest
echoing through my rib cage.
i swallow shallow breaths.
there’s no sleep in sight for me tonight as i start to count the minutes and seconds
until the moment we’re right there
where nothing else matters
where we start to melt away
into life and gold, sunlight and salt water.
where we’re you and me together again no distance no time zones no end.
day one i found a reason, a hindsight miracle, a beautifully foolish chance that arrived so close to the end of a very big adventure.
day six i fell in love
by lagoons on mountains in sunshine and mist and our very first kiss.
tears in my throat
never forming never showing never letting you know.
everyday since then, i’ve followed my heart as you take it with you wherever you go.
day 133 and 225
brought me back to your side.
and i hate those days i left, as i sobbed my way with blurry eyes through airport corridors,
[so they don’t get a number].
it’s day 367, and my life has changed and grown towards everything i could have ever dreamed to dream of.
in just two more days,
there you’ll be.
there you’ll be
and returned to me.
today i found a happiness i might have lost
in all the busyness,
lost in all the waiting
and forgetting here and now.
i found moments
that found me in all their glistening meant to be
and they led me to a way
and they showed me how to walk.
[photo via nasa]
i think of you, watching that blood red moon, holding in it all the sunrises and sunsets of all this world in one.
i stare at my moon tonight and imagine,
for a moment,
you are staring too, and just like that i catch your thoughts with mine.
i miss you. the days are just so different from so far away. i’m scared the smell of you and our summer will fade the more i wash my hands my skin my clothes. so i avoid all the feeling that comes from all the knowing of that space between,
you see, i need you.
i need you in a way that makes my heart ache and ache.
i do know
all the world that lives in me,
in that moon
it lives in you too.
it breathes your breath into my lungs, i taste your sweetest thoughts, i feel your blood run through my heart.
it beats in a rhythm that could never tell us apart.
it beats in a rhythm of love and love and love.
[hall of mosses. hoh rainforest, washington.]
ripples from raindrops in a forest made of moss. i miss you
though it hasn’t been too long…
but my sobs and your words and reddened eyes and our hands that held each other’s tight tight tight take me back and put me right where our bodies left off.
and it makes my heart throb in aching and pining
and it makes me want time to rewind
to fast forward
to just not be right now.
though i want the now the happiness the love to fill me in the loneliness.
i want the emptiness to end and the you to start all over again.
a new month.
i’ve been so long, here with you,
not nearly long enough.
and i think about the time we spent
where it all went
what we did and how we stayed so still
in the quiet moments.
the moments our hearts spoke only what we meant.
we couldn’t buy this kind of love. we couldn’t even dream it. yet here we are, bathing in river mist and mountain peaks and rainforests shrouding us in the greenest most deliberate decorated mossiness.
you put your toes in any water and feel the cold or surprising warmth. and it makes me smile when you jump in
seeing you come out all wet
pricking water droplets
sending them rolling off your skin.
is it the rain or the river?
it doesn’t seem to change, no matter how much i push or pull time just scurries right away from all this is. no matter how much we want it to stop still and rest for a bit. no matter how much it suffocates and liberates and drowns and frees all the outrageous realities we’re slowly, beautifully sinking in between.
we bury our toes and open our hearts and let it all unfold in a beautiful picture of all that has passed
of all that’s yet to come.
life happens so fast.