i feel my heart beat hard as it vibrates against my skin, stomach, throat and chest
echoing through my rib cage.
i swallow shallow breaths.
there’s no sleep in sight for me tonight as i start to count the minutes and seconds
until the moment we’re right there
where nothing else matters
where we start to melt away
into life and gold, sunlight and salt water.
where we’re you and me together again no distance no time zones no end.
this is my wildest adventure yet, the one that’s come to life the best.
in all the time spent wandering this earth we’ve always shared, i’ve never known a greater journey
than this, travelling the veins of your love.
it’s all i want,
to be your breath,
to be the beating of your heart,
to find more of me in you
than i ever knew
there ever was.
life in all its magic and wonder
you in all of you,
just as you are.
once, we didn’t know each other. once, we hadn’t met. i was younger then, and maybe not quite me, i was just searching and waiting for life to sweep me off my feet.
then, it was you.
forever it is you.
so maybe this was written
entirely in the stars.
a constellation love story burning bright, somewhere far across the universe.
there was never a beginning, you know, just a place where we picked up. a moment in time to bring us back together.
we were only ever inches from each other,
for each other.
made for this.
to meet and meet and meet again.
in all the lifetimes we’ve ever had.
and we might spend eternity finding one another in that writing in the stars.
i’ve known you from ago.
[hall of mosses. hoh rainforest, washington.]
ripples from raindrops in a forest made of moss. i miss you
though it hasn’t been too long…
but my sobs and your words and reddened eyes and our hands that held each other’s tight tight tight take me back and put me right where our bodies left off.
and it makes my heart throb in aching and pining
and it makes me want time to rewind
to fast forward
to just not be right now.
though i want the now the happiness the love to fill me in the loneliness.
i want the emptiness to end and the you to start all over again.
we’re spending time sucking dry the very last days of summer, of this moment, of our time together before goodbye.
meadowbrook pond. seattle, washington.
it’s okay to be vulnerable, he said.
a loving conviction that cut through bone and brick and beat into my heart in an instant of knowing and crumbling.
so i crumbled into his chest and made his skin all wet with the saltiness of undoing and the emptying of ego.
i breathed staccato breaths and buried my worry in blinks and swallows as he held me tight and pressed his kisses to my forehead.
it’ll all work out.
i know, i said.
we took a drive and spent some time in the woods and off the grid. so many magical things happen when we’re in nature together…
falling deeper and deeper.
colonial creek, washington.