be still

[waitpinga beach, south australia]

today, i sat on a beach and watched the sunset over the ocean. i walked along its shores and let the sea run through my toes. i waited in the whitewash, i sank in the wetness.

i walked to drier ground and sat and watched the waves. i picked up sand, rubbed it between my fingers as i thought about being there. truly there. i let it hold me up, i let myself dig deeper down. i felt it’s cool damp. i saw birds and smelled air so fresh, like dry grass wet from the cooling eve. i felt the warmth on my skin and i squinted at the brightness of the day’s last light. spots formed in my vision after staring at the sun for too long, they clouded my sight, i rubbed my eyes. remembered what we were told and wondered if staring at a setting sun was alright… it sank below the horizon, turning the sky a simple faded red. an island in the foreground, its painted silhouette.

i felt a lot. i felt my breath. i counted out my inhales and my exhales. i matched them, second for second. i thought of everything and nothing and i was there, fully there. i was in myself, out of myself, within the earth. it felt like i was everywhere. i watched fishermen reel in their catches, grins spread across their faces, rods bowing at the the current and fish pulling to be free. the waves crashed to shore, out again they went. just like my breath, steady and knowing and sure.

the gap

 
[one stormy day in sydney]

i ache in colour and rhyme, 
in love and lust 
and like everything else i feel it all too deep. 
well below the surface it swirls and kicks and edges closer to the thin and fragile membrane of my full and fluttering heart.  
i ache. 
i feel. 
deep and honest and real.
fearlessly. 
i feel. 

him, and i 

  
i can’t help myself.
he’s here
and we’re so in love
and we’re moving in this very same very beautiful direction. into one another, into whatever’s coming next.
him,
and i
and endlessness.

i dream to pass the time

it’s all become clear.
i get it.
i see it!
you feel
what i feel
what you feel.

from near and from [this painfully] far.
i get it i see it. and it’s love. it’s our love.
oh my darling! it’s our big, big love.
and even still,
it’s even more.