nostalgia…

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now. more than ever. in the final days and hours. in the measured moments. now. i stay here, i stay here now.

now

i wander along the paths that i travel. it’s here i find little pieces of purpose, in the proximity to things that truly affect my swelling heart.

it’s me.

it’s me with a voice and a reason for living. living a life [a life i choose] without noise or distraction or any doubt arising around this me that yearns for, craves and seeks out adventure and lostness.

just as my lungs need air and my dreams need wings.

and as i wander i wonder about the roads i’m yet to travel. they make me anxious they make me nervous. then i stop for a minute and remember there’s only this moment. there’s only now.

so if that’s all i have,
that’s all i’ll live.

now now now

i can’t sleep and it’s hurting my eyes, my queasy stomach, my eyes.

i can’t sleep and my heart’s in a mess, a denseness, commotion, exploding all around me.

let me sleep.
let me dream.
let me go.

play the soft sound of the sea in my ears, rock me into the night with that muffled ringing. that muffled ringing that comes with the silence. louder and louder and louder. until it’s not so silent, anymore. whatever you do, do it quick.

let me sleep. it’s hurting my eyes.