and now this love fills me in a way i’m not familiar with. in a way that makes me wonder who i am with someone else when all i’ve known is this person i became from so many years spent wandering through my adventurous life, alone.
but, i’m not learning this alone.
really, he’s been there all along.
it just took some time for our bodies to meet and collide and explode into the physicality, the materialisation of all it is, of all they have been searching for.
and just like that
it is the perfect fruition of all the days of my life spent seeking, travelling, adventuring. it’s the reason i choose the winding path, the one dotted with daffodils, teetering on a steep cliff with white rapids and waterfalls and an overgrowth of evergreen. i’ve never really known where i’m going, but i’ve always walked towards love. in all my feminine curiosity, i’ve followed the whispers of intuition and discovery that my heart has beaten into my blood and confidently pulsed through my veins. i will always choose love. in all its wildest forms, i will always choose love.
so i stand here in all my naked feeling.
heart entirely open.
fighting always to keep those walls from forming once again.
giving myself to a man i am so, ridiculously in love with.
i stand here with a delicious pride declaring: this is all i’ve ever wanted, this is what i’ve dreamed of. this is the reason, the complete and only reason for every innocent why.
our autumn love story lives in autumn once more. and all i know now is each day is passing by slower than i’ve ever known before, and for all i know it could have been autumn this whole time. because time has seemed to stop. it has no matter or meaning.
and although i lose myself in hours spent waiting and waiting,
and although this drives me to become all that rawness and bareness and feel all that drunken crazy love, i know something bigger. i find it in a place i don’t see day to day. i find it in a place of dreaming and resting, a place of knowing. of sureness. of love, just burning and burning bright. i find it in a place i held only for this. a place i waited this long to bare.
it feels raw. i feel stripped bare, clothed only in the drunkenness of a lovingness i’ve never felt, before. and i feel crazy. crazy and flooded with love, yet completely sobered by the reality that this is happening. that i found it. that i can say he loves me. he loves me! do you believe it?! can you imagine?! from the other side of the world, with so much time and space between all the momentariness we’ve ever held, it lingers. and it grows. and it flourishes and brings me home. and it all happened where i was never meant be for so long. i met a man the man. and before that my stars met his and made moves to move us step by step towards each other, and move us beyond words. he was there. meeting me… meeting me! he was there.
it’s only a sentence! find the pace and rhythm of the beating of all that is my thhhhhhrobbing heart on a stark, blank page.
i spilled it all,
and it flooded
and made red
all that was white,
[it will never be quite so white
it’s no writing no talking a spilling of something on what’s now dried the palest pink, you’d never see in the dark. so i’ll see it when he sleeps and he’ll see it when he wakes and maybe we’ll never know the difference. it’s all trade and chase. my sun and my sunset for your moon and you. i’d give it all, no question. and today i felt you so far far far, too far, away.
time moves slow.
but it moves.
so sure. so fluid.
like the ocean and the tides and the waves that wash salt water over this paper thin skin i’ve wrapped my
i found my place and i buried my roots so so deep in his heart.
it’s all so clear, so right in love and loving. the most beautiful thing i’ve ever known.