it’s in the everydayness. the messy morning bed, the smells and sounds of coffee making, the creaks in the floorboards and doors. the sleepy goodmornings, the kisses goodbye, the waiting and waiting and waiting for days end when we walk back into our together everydayness again.
and then there are these special days, summery and seemingly unending. filled with swims in the ocean and walks in the sand, reading our new favourite books, soaking in the sun. watching the sunset on beautiful days. never leaving your side. and drinking wine and eating until we have the fullest bellies and laughing and loving with the fullest hearts.
i’m so happy you’re mine. on the special and the everyday kinda days.
today i found a happiness i might have lost
in all the busyness,
lost in all the waiting
and forgetting here and now.
i found moments
that found me in all their glistening meant to be
and they led me to a way
and they showed me how to walk.
i hope you know what you did to me. how you moved me. how you made me feel. i’ll miss you, maybe more than i think. maybe more than i’ll ever be able to say. but much more than i expect to, i know that at least.
hawaii changed my life once more. it seems she pulls me back in, every time i leave. it’s magnetic, hypnotic, unequivocally meant for me.
you’re a part of that this time. there is nothing to overthink, the feelings are the feelings they are. so it will be what it will be and we’ll trust in how perfect that is.
and everything is just how it’s meant to be. the connection to the world. me, my breath, the wind and the earth. you, and your breath, the sky and the sea.
everything is perfect. everything is love. everything is free.
don’t forget your heart. its beat marks a map to the scattered constellations of your universe. the stories, the wisdom, the lessons of life. each star a voice, a moment. space. ever-changing. full of dreams just waiting to be chased.
so don’t forget your heart. it may speak quietly, but love lives in the whispers. in midnight conversations. in the space halfway between staring eyes. the answers are always closer than you think. simply, from your head, to your heart.
and just let it be.
i found a note i wrote. a single, narrow page, scrawled with black ink and the love of a heart bleeding with hope. the year before last i wrote it. folded it. slid it into a pocket, behind scrawled pages, behind times and places, in the very back of my diary.
the note smells like leather and youth.
the note, unfound, until now.
it’s a note. written with naivety, behind that rose-coloured glass that makes everything so glorious, behind the romanticism of a single unhinged moment. without fear or worry or confusion.
i found a note.
and only time can split the past in paths of two or three or four. and we won’t know until we see it chasing and clawing and knocking at the door to our hearts, so fragile, and beating, bleating, bleeding buckets of hope. so deaf to sounds other than love and fate.
oh my soul – utterly, profoundly, exotically yearning.
why are you there and not here and a dream and not real and a thought and not mine to have. to steal your heart, your soul, everything you’ll give in all your deepest breaths.
mine is yours.
sometimes i get a bit confused, between happenstance and meant-to-be.
we aren’t in the business of not doing things.
darren pfeiffer. take-it-as-it-comes advice from my good (and very wise) friend.
there’s nothing more, it’s now and it’s me. and every cell of my being exists so perfectly for the moments of my life to have fallen, settled and gathered, like this.
i am that
that i am.
a part of the universe. within the waves and floods, the hurricanes and wildfires of its strong and beating heart. me.
there is no one else. no one but me. and all the moments, the feelings, the dreams and the regrets. well, they come, they go, and they leave only smoke trails in my life. now. now is all there is. it’s me, it’s the power i never knew i held.
it’s every perfect fragment of the smallest slice of time.
it’s never enough just to think about it. i write it down, but it still won’t fall from my mind. it forages and flits, searching, secretly, for a piece of life. to ravage. to tear apart. to fill the emptiness and satisfy the mania that rages, day and night, for more. it’s never quite enough, but will forever feel like too much.
my pulsating heart can’t take it much longer. the thinking and the writing and the not-speaking-about-it fling between life and me… it’s getting old. like a well-wrinkled face. my life, flashing before my eyes.
and i don’t remember past wednesday, or saturday. any day. ever.
so, what if i take a million photos, will it still soar by so fast? just stop. slow down, please. let me catch my breath.