life with you

it’s in the everydayness. the messy morning bed, the smells and sounds of coffee making, the creaks in the floorboards and doors. the sleepy goodmornings, the kisses goodbye, the waiting and waiting and waiting for days end when we walk back into our together everydayness again.

and then there are these special days, summery and seemingly unending. filled with swims in the ocean and walks in the sand, reading our new favourite books, soaking in the sun. watching the sunset on beautiful days. never leaving your side. and drinking wine and eating until we have the fullest bellies and laughing and loving with the fullest hearts.

i’m so happy you’re mine. on the special and the everyday kinda days.

reasons

in just one day, i fell in love with all you are, with all the things i saw and knew i wanted [i needed]. i fell in love with the way you made me feel, the way you looked at me, the way we kissed and made love. i fell in love with our words, our conversation, our laughter. your stories, your gentleness, the way you chose to live your life. i fell in love with the moment and with us in the moment. with what we were and what we were fast becoming, and knowing all we would so surely be.

and now we’re here, we became this glorious dream, an unfolding of all our intuition and feeling. and we have all our days to continue falling deeper into this love we’re growing and sharing, exploring, still discovering, together.

and all the days of our lives would never be enough to travel the depths our love extends. but it’s here and we’re here, we’re caught in the delicious middle of it, this most beautiful kind of love.

two lives, intertwined

i live two lives.
they are winding rivers flowing parallel.
they are ravines shifting and creaking side-by-side.
they are the branches and the roots of his favourite madrona tree, with its burnt orange bark and evergreen leaves.

they are the moon and the sun. they are darkness and light
[and lightness and love].
forever moving forward i still get lost in this world.
then lost in his.

we’re lost in our love.

we become those days where the moon stays high in the sun-drenched sky. we become those evenings that remain so bright with dusk. my river follows his direction; his ravine keeps mine safe; his roots feed my branches and we both grow and move and change. time licks at our hearts and brings us ever closer to each other.

we are the link, the reason, the intertwining force. and our hearts provide the space where our duality intersects. where our two lives become the perfect, placid grace of one. where we wish on one another, know the magic as we feel it. surrender and deliver and discover and become.

we live two lives, but we live them as one.

because that’s what we are.

four days in one

 in the absolute knick of time, we made it onto the ferry to that island [where we feel heartbeats down streets and see love upon leaves falling from their trees]. i stood, a little sunburnt, in the unforgiving wind who made goosebumps on my skin, and walked around the deck, watching as the 9pm sun turned the sky lilac orange and cream, as far as i could see all the way to shadowing mountain peaks.

this weekend made me miss home, but feel home, and realise just how much everything in me is taking me by surprise lately. i never knew i could feel so much in a single minute. 

we were well and truly into fresh and clean air. i looked up. the night sky took my breath away and feebleness took over my sense of being alive and here and able and me. i’d forgotten how beautiful she was with no city lights to blind her.

the milky way lit our way as we walked to the beach and onto silky sands. we laid, side-by-side, wrapped in a blanket, and stared out across the eerily illuminated water. a green blinking light and a hub of orange so so far from us the only lights other than satellites and starlight. we watched them move or blink.

this night, i saw the most shooting stars i’ve ever seen, and one especially long and bright and deeply carved into the sky, one that put tears in my eyes and made me see how right this all, everything, is.

this night was all a part of the whole of it. this weekend was cramps in my stomach from laughing so hard. it was showering under a hose and his smile and playing like kids shooting hoops and getting dusty. it was dancing on the grass to no music at all and jumping into his arms in pure all-consuming bliss.

this was about me falling deeper in love. in a way i never saw coming like it did and it does, on wonderful days and ordinary days and days i don’t expect, as i spend time watching and observing and noticing every small and important detail of the way he moves and looks and is. and i’m building ladders and bridges and mountains of love to him for him because of him. and i’m learning everyday.

in that moment

but who am i to know the difference? who am i to call the spade by its real name and forget all those things that came before and stole my thoughts away. nothing existed before this. i checked out i floated and i grasped only onto the littlest breath to save me as i fell victim to wanting and waiting. as i became the pining that became the all of me.

and that time seems misspent. it became the in between i constantly seem caught in. and sure the cycle may end and sure the pieces may fall, but i know more than all of that and i wasted time and i lost track. i wasn’t me, not in entirety. my body walked and stumbled through the life in front of me, while my mind and my heart and my soul had stayed behind.

but i found it all again when i stepped off the plane and into washington air and saw the white of his smile through the glare of his car’s front windscreen, traffic backed up, i waited for him to find a stop, for that first touch, after so long away. and in one moment, into me flooded all that mind and heart and soul that i thought i’d lost in all the chaos. in this other life i became whole, in that moment, as he held me and we swayed and it felt just like yesterday and not eighty days between each kiss.

never has time played so elusively. never have i felt more out of control. never have i felt like i needed something, not like this. when i left i left it here, all my greatest parts are his.

we took to the skies and collided, in the universe of our thoughts, exploding into stardust and all the bits and pieces of hope and love and forever.

sweet melodies

i listen to your voice,
it plays soft,
from the video you sent
yesterday
afternoon.
i fidget and i write and i dream of you before dreaming of you.
do you think a heart has ever burst
from loving so hard?
let’s just wait
and see.

part one of five

it feels raw. i feel stripped bare, clothed only in the drunkenness of a lovingness i’ve never felt, before. and i feel crazy. crazy and flooded with love, yet completely sobered by the reality that this is happening. that i found it. that i can say he loves me. he loves me! do you believe it?! can you imagine?! from the other side of the world, with so much time and space between all the momentariness we’ve ever held, it lingers. and it grows. and it flourishes and brings me home. and it all happened where i was never meant be for so long. i met a man the man. and before that my stars met his and made moves to move us step by step towards each other, and move us beyond words. he was there. meeting me… meeting me! he was there.