wednesday

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and it fell all over me like glittering sunlight dripping from the sky into the ocean where we lay
so blue
so clear.

and it raced through the millions of roadways and rivers and crevasses and mountains
within me
within you.

and it lay down next to me on a mattress made of memories made of yesterdays and who-knows-when’s
i’m too ready
to dream.

we were separated
by salt water
by space and air
by the centre console of his car.

but we remembered – we never were very good at keeping friends with any of that space between.

carpe diem

i made it. through the tears and stresses of that voice in my head, speaking utter nonsense [‘what the hell am i doing?’]

but, i was born for this.

hawaii has swallowed all my words.

<3

oh feel this heart of mine.

and listen. i’m sure you can hear it beating from way across the universe. between all the stars and galaxies. between all the space, between
you

and

me.

dying keeps me conscious of the way i waste my breath.

cosmo jarvis: love this.

mkt.

cut from the same cloth, us two. i’ll miss him when he leaves – for that enormous world of unending possibilities. but life doesn’t change when you’re on the same path – here or there. anywhere.

hearts and momentum, of time as it should be. moving with us, with our step, with the pace of our souls. we’re all intertwined by fate. that invisible red thread, tugging at our heartbeat, our wrists and ankles – tying us to each other, our neighbours and our friends, and strangers down the street. it’s a never ending race track of dreams one step ahead.

you’re certainly catching yours, my friend.

out here.

i’m sitting alone, at a place i’ve never been. the absolute point of adventure sundays. and all i want to do is write.

a bird calls nearby.

there’s a sense of freedom about it. an undeniable feeling of being completely aware of everything around me. like it’s pulling me into a different frame of mind. something i didn’t know i wanted or felt or even knew i could feel until now. until this moment.

my tummy is queasy and the skin on my bare legs tingles with the burn of the sun. cooled by the wind, for a second at least. my eyes are sore and i’m horrendously tired but it’s still just me, alone. in a place i’ve never been.

thinking about everything. and thinking about nothing.

this world is so familiar.

what is.

everything feels frantic. i’m anxious and on edge. it feels like it’s all getting away from me. like life is moving too fast. and it’s taking my precious time with it. 

i feel out of control. out of my body, at times. i feel disconnected and everything seems vague and dreamlike. it’s unnerving. 

i like to be in control. it’s testing to not be. and it’s taking it’s toll.

oh give me something tangible to take into my dreams. something to hold onto in the darkness. make my life miserably brilliant. depressingly perfect. enviable to myself. bring me my wishes and princes on white horses. rainbows with treasure chests and fairy dust at my bedside. let me wake to beautiful memories of dreams too painfully vivid. everlasting love and til death do we part. those kisses that will bring you back to life. 

the fairytale.

let me live it and remember it forever.

and these moments now, of uncontrollableness, well let them be a part of it all. the bigger picture of life and other things. the contrast of the serene beauty and the painstaking reality of a passionate life. the ghost of regret that lingers too long, no matter your denial.

i’ll live in the moment. there’s nothing but now. i’ll remember that the next time i listen to you speak, and nothing sinks in. i’ll be present. stay here. listen. take it all in. i won’t be absent, i’ll be involved.

cross my heart.