is that so much to ask?

and all these things i’m coming up on, all the streets i’ve yet to walk and people i’ve yet to meet, oh all those streets and people may be the most significant and important of my time away so far. and i’ll think about them in the future as if they’ll be here tomorrow and i’ll find a place in a place in a dream in a place, and i’ll make my own way and you’ll never know what you did to me or how i hated or loved you for it and how i pushed through agony [that really never was] and found ecstasy [which i always only had] and the effervescence of the dreams i try to hold so tight become me just clutching clutching clutching at thin air until i feel what i think is the place that holds the secrets to the world inside my heart, and i see it for a second in my hands. and then i let it fly when i realise that the pull between the agony and the ecstasy exists only in my mind and everything else will come and go as moments of insignificant clatter that make me only think it’s the way i only think it is.

bring me along, unattached. forever on the fence between green and greener. life is too mysterious for me to be tethered to your plans [mind, it’s you i fear]. let spontaneity and flights of fanciness tickle me and set my heart on fire, set it loose to float with clouds and fly with bluebirds. that’s all i really want to do, live my life so dreamily aware of all that’s wonderful and lovely.

[this is me and morgan]

IMG_4100
i played tourist yesterday and hiked up diamond head. perfect vistas. wonderful friends.

there’s something to be said about the people you meet along the way, what they bring to your life, what it all means.

a reason,
a season, or
a lifetime?

hold tight to the ones who make it easy. whose company you cherish. who make us smile, make us think, push us and support us and bring with them all the light of love. and know that it’s okay to let go of those who don’t. because, at the end of the day, life is too short to waste precious minutes on people who want to let go too.

so throw off the bowlines. sail away from the safe harbor. catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. discover.

mark twain

and you might never see tomorrow, but at least you lived today.

i don’t write when i’m happy. there’s something in me that makes me not feel the need. there’s no urgency. i become complacent. too satisfied. just content. 

i don’t write when i’m busy, either. which is what i am now. i hate it. busyness has no business in my life. i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again. take me back to the warm sands of hawaii with the ocean lapping at my toes. i was made for island living. born for it.

but that stands beside the point.

the point is that i’m happy and life is good and people are real and dreams are coming true. 

but there are bigger dreams too, ones i haven’t been working on. ones that are gripping me tight and shaking me up and making me want to breathe heavily into a brown paper bag with my head out the window of a car that’s going too fast.

the wind on my face.

waking me up.

it’s getting back into that feeling and that knowledge that life is way too short. it’s pulling myself together and slapping my cheeks. this is it. this is all there is. 

stop taking life for granted.

you

know

better.

i’ll make things happen. 2012 has been huge. and it’s not over yet, not matter how fast it seems to be flying past my eyes, another week with every blink. this year. i’ll prove it to myself.