until then

i leave hawaii tonight. i leave to newness. to travel, more adventures, old friends, new experiences, old memories flooding back.

there’s a nostalgia about this moment. a time where i would do anything to stay, but give everything to leave, too. the double-edged sword, the bittersweetness tickling my taste buds.

the people i leave behind, who they made me, what they taught me. why i am now who i am.

i’ll miss you. all of you.

have you ever cried upside down?

today was two kinds of day.

it was beautiful and it was agonising. it was inspiring. it was nostalgia, wrapped in a sweater of friendship and love. it was a tremendous amount of anxiety, of preparation… preparing for heartache. my body steadying for the blow.

oh.

it will be tough.

my eyelids were wet with tears. a coldness, made from salt and all my fears. time is gaining on me. in thirteen sleeps i’ll be up, up and away.

change makes me sad. change makes me happy. change makes me.

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my dad. and my second home.

i’ve started saying goodbye – there are so many lasts.

talk about bittersweet.

what a beautiful time of my life.

i’ll miss these summer sunsets. this feeling. home. but that sky stretches so far beyond sight. it’s all there, so patiently waiting.