call it what you want

battle lines are blurred between the now and then. and thinking doesn’t change the fact we’re running end to end,
and without one in clear sight.

we’re tethered to the past and all the feelings stuck between words and breath.

we’re chasing after days perfectly ruined by sunset
so far from our desperate reach.

and each night we sit in darkness and wade through dawning thoughts. and each day wake with dread
as morning sheds crisp light upon crumpled sheets
upon storied bed.

sweet dreams

and only time can split the past in paths of two or three or four. and we won’t know until we see it chasing and clawing and knocking at the door to our hearts, so fragile, and beating, bleating, bleeding buckets of hope. so deaf to sounds other than love and fate.

oh my soul – utterly, profoundly, exotically yearning.

why are you there and not here and a dream and not real and a thought and not mine to have. to steal your heart, your soul, everything you’ll give in all your deepest breaths.

sigh.

well…

mine is yours.

goddammit.

i won’t be sleeping anytime soon. my eyes aren’t tired. my mind is wired. too many thoughts are racing to let me rest just yet.

[please,
please come soon.]

it came out of nowhere and now it’s nothing again, not that it was anything, but still – it was something nonetheless. something i’d kinda missed, i guess, when i think about it at least.

oh sigh.

i’ll just convince myself some more.

i wish i could say it was numb that i felt, that i feel. but we all know that’s a lie. i feel too much, about everything. i know that’s my problem. i just don’t know why. or how to fix it. fix me. it isn’t about anything but how i feel, now.

[please,
please leave soon.]

as it will be

take my heart and cross it with your own.

don’t
let me down.

take my memories and dot them with your scent.

please
find your way to me.

take your fingers and run them through my hair, mean it how i feel it. hold my cheek so gently in your hand, and stare into my eyes. with longing, terrifying, silent explosions of tenderness, hopefulness, joyousness. with love.

you’ll find my life in yours and yours in mine. my blood in your veins. your skin on my skin. my tears will fall from your eyes. your sweat will bead from my pores.

our hearts,
will beat
to the squeeze and the rhythm of the other.

in yin and in yang, you will be me, and i will be you.

my cold,
your warmth.

your agony,
my strength.

my fear,
your courage.

your breath,
my survival.

wrap me in your words, follow me as i fall.

it’s okay, cloud nine will catch us.

i’ve chosen my religion.

i’ll pray until my knees turn black and blue, indented by the ground that becomes a part of me. i’ll pray until the fire in my heart stops burning, and the light in my eyes stops glowing.

until the sun stops shining and the stars start falling and the world stops spinning. i’ll pray.

i’ll pray, everyday, until my skin turns cold and my breath becomes my spirit.

it’s hidden in our ignorance, the oblivion of our shallow smiles. our choices aren’t our own. but that magic is the terrifying, stark, gloriousness of our destiny.

fate is my religion. destiny, my god. hope is my prayer and love, well love, that’s the meaning of it all.