nostalgia…

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now. more than ever. in the final days and hours. in the measured moments. now. i stay here, i stay here now.

more than that

and for a second the cars stopped driving and the man stopped sweeping and the rain stopped falling and i stopped tap tap tapping on my keyboard writing frantically about you.

[yes, you].

and in that second, the stillness took me over as i daydreamed of something so far from right here and now. as i awoke back to reality, back to cars and sweeping and rain and typing and thinking about you [and if] and when the hell i should be saying that bittersweet goodbye to this life
to these days of everything
to what it’s so clearly beginning to mean.

it appears that all i’m really trying to do is stop time.

well,
shit.

now

i wander along the paths that i travel. it’s here i find little pieces of purpose, in the proximity to things that truly affect my swelling heart.

it’s me.

it’s me with a voice and a reason for living. living a life [a life i choose] without noise or distraction or any doubt arising around this me that yearns for, craves and seeks out adventure and lostness.

just as my lungs need air and my dreams need wings.

and as i wander i wonder about the roads i’m yet to travel. they make me anxious they make me nervous. then i stop for a minute and remember there’s only this moment. there’s only now.

so if that’s all i have,
that’s all i’ll live.