celebrating 200 days away. we got a little lost… but where better than here, with friends like these? north shore. oahu, hawaii.
there’s something in the air. a change. an eeriness. an energy i can feel and sense and taste.
a hurricane is coming. well, two hurricanes are coming. i feel nervous, a little scared. a little worried, sure. but part of me feels like it’ll pass without a worry, in this bubble of paradise and perfection. it’s like the winds i’m feeling and hearing right now, i’ve felt and heard before. but this seems different. because we know what’s coming. we can see it: on radars and weather channels, on news reports from near and far; in the closing of businesses, the empty shelves where bottled water is usually stocked; in the eyes of people, so nervous, so over-prepared. so intensified by the emotions and paranoia of the locals and the media and the tourists. it saturates the island air.
there is so much going on, in all the people on the island where i’ve kept my heart for the best part of this year. i can feel it. vibrating, pulsating, echoing against the walls of fear built around homes of weatherboard and plaster. on the coast, waiting for the storm. waiting for the rain. waiting for the wind and floods and chaos. waiting for the damage and the fallout and the disaster and the worst.
well what pointless waiting that will be.
weather the storm. it’s wild and wickedly yelling all its secrets in spurts of showers, sun and empty sky. for now.
oh my goodness, i want to tell you all about it!
i want to tell you how my heart raced and my breath was caught between my throat and escape. i want to tell you how intently i watched the exit, thinking everyone was them as my eyes lit up with the excitement that rushed around my body. i want to tell you the feeling that came over me when i saw them, walking out the door, nearly exactly how i remember. the loving relief of her mum, the recognition in her eyes and the cheekiness in her grin. how my heart melted with happiness. how my tears welled with gladness. how everything was just so right when she wrapped her tiny fingers around my own so big and clumsy, and walked with me, chatting, asking me questions, looking up and giggling at me. her two and a half years can’t explain how clever she is, she’s witty so wise so very wonderful, beyond her years.
pearl and her mummy on their debut overseas adventure, to visit me in hawaii. i think i just might be the luckiest girl in this world.
i’d never done it before, to lay on the ocean floor, open my eyes and look up at the sky.
today though, i did just that. through salty water, i stared into the light, at the strength of the sun, casting shards of glowing gold. i stared at the blueness of the sky, blurry clouds passing by.
i sat on the beach with her, we spoke about just this. about the seeing of things. the discovering, appreciating and witnessing of more than just life at its surface, as it plays out in front of our eyes. it’s conscious. it’s moving. and today i saw it anew, from the water, through all the blue.
don’t miss the little bits and pieces that together make triumphs of the smallness. tie yourself to shooting stars that fly through the nighttime. let your perspective move and change. shift your frame of mind, and find it all, just by opening your eyes, looking up or out or in or through or any which way you’ve never looked before.
notice, see, listen, feel. dive in, look up, revel in the silence and the stillness. feel the rush of seeing things for the first time, or seeing old things with new eyes. there’s beauty everywhere, it lives in everything. turn yourself upside down and stare a while.
it’s dusk and people start to leave the beach. they scatter off in twos and threes and families, they retreat.
the sun has set, the show is over. but this is when the magic happens! this is the in betweenness. before the moon and stars. this is a moment just for you and me and us! just stay. after it all seems done, stay. nothing’s changed and no one knows better so stay.
while the air is light and the clouds glow off-white, the sand still feels warm, you’re all i need til dawn.
stay, you know it too.