lessons

unmotivated, i sit and watch deal or no deal. i see the look in the woman’s eye, i can do one more, i want more. greed gets the better of us sometimes. sometimes, it isn’t about being grateful, it’s about wanting more.

i’m reading the art of happiness at the moment. it’s compelling, reading about what truly makes you happy. the dalai lama is telling me everyone, yes everyone, has the inherent ability to be happy. it’s all about compassion.

so i’m trying this thing. it’s called being nice. i’m not a terrible person, but i have my moments. it feels good doing something nice. being nice. helping someone. 

what brings me happiness? i had to rethink some things, turn them around, look at them from another angle: travelling. no, experiencing new things. exercising. no, being healthy. going out. no, enjoying the company of my friends. easy things, free things, things that make me happy.

i’m working on me this year. i didn’t make a new years resolution. at the time, there was nothing to resolve. nothing more i could have wanted. and now, thinking about being happy, i find myself making this resolution: 2011 will be a year of growth in happiness. of finding my feet. of creating my life. i set myself up last year. i finished and found and experienced everything i needed to. and i take those skills and lessons and i create my happiness.

we always want more. but sometimes, we don’t need more. take the deal.

for next time.

i’m thinking so much my eyes blur over. unable to see what i’m doing, i guess that i’m spelling words okay and writing what i want. shake out of it. i’m having lengthy, vivid day dreams of the next few weeks and the amazing adventure that is about to ensue.

my list of things has been ticked off. my bag is nearly packed. my ‘to dos’ written in my notebook: washing, charging, writing. not a hard list to remember…but if i don’t write it down, i know i’ll easily forget.

i said goodbyes tonight. to girls i only just started to get to know. amazing girls with brilliant stories, edgy fashion and a huge amount of love in their hippie hearts. no doubt, i’ll feel something when i leave.

today was one of those days, the ones i think only about the time and space and heat i feel, no worries, no thoughts, just unadulterated living. pure to itself, myself, i lived simply today. no overanalysing, no smelling the air, no thinking about thinking. just living and feeling free. carefree. so it was a little sad, saying goodbye, but there is something in the air, stopping me from feeling too sad or sorry.

it’s positivity. it’s knowing i am heading in an amazing direction. it’s anticipation for the future. it’s the expected exhilaration from events to come. no high hopes or wishes, but an ingrained knowledge that this will be brilliant. 

i’m on the home stretch. i’ve finished this leg. i am content with what i have done/seen/experienced/loved/hated/lived. and i am ready to get on with it. start something new. now, in a few weeks, in a couple of months. it’s all happening. i like the pace, i like the sway, i like the direction. 

loving where i’m at, where i’m going, what i’m doing, i day dream and i take a breath and i feel whole and excited and proud all at once. my little adventure, taking on a life of its own. moving me and changing me and enticing me to fall in love with living.

i love what i feel. but, even more than that, i love what i know i’ll feel. soon enough.

frown lines

i’ve had a bad day. i’ll be honest. and i wasn’t going to tell you because i want to seem like i am living the dream. life’s good, life’s peachy. but sometimes, life gets you down. and today, it did just that. bastard.

i was happy enough looking at photos, emailing friends, getting ready for the day. i was happy enough riding my bike with the birds and the wind and the waves from passing strangers. i was happy enough sitting at my desk, doing some work, listening to phones ring.

i wasn’t happy with: my phone bill, my easy, mundane day, getting angry at my mum. you see, one thing sets me off and dominoes follow. and i can’t tell you what that one thing even is today. well i probably can, but i won’t. it’s stupid. who cares? i don’t become a very nice person. i don’t feel like me.

my life is great. i’m in a great place with great weather and great people. and i’m making great friends with awesome kids and eating delicious food and spending time doing what i love. writing, learning new things, living in the sunshine.

i guess there really is nothing to complain about. so, sorry about that.

today is my favourite part of the day. i look forward to dinners and conversations and winding down. fingers crossed for dessert. 

ahhh, i feel much better. thanks for listening.