and so this was sunset on my final day in hawaii. the past three months have been a whirlwind of adventure. i have met the most incredible people, seen the most wonderful sights… fallen in love with love again. these magical islands have changed my life once more. thank you to all my loves, this would mean nothing without you.
i leave hawaii tonight. i leave to newness. to travel, more adventures, old friends, new experiences, old memories flooding back.
there’s a nostalgia about this moment. a time where i would do anything to stay, but give everything to leave, too. the double-edged sword, the bittersweetness tickling my taste buds.
the people i leave behind, who they made me, what they taught me. why i am now who i am.
i’ll miss you. all of you.
i lay concrete in my arteries.
there is a point where i feel it’s not worth it anymore. the heartache and the pain. so, maybe, i push people away. maybe when i leave a place. but wait, i know i do it. so what about all these maybes?
maybe that pushing is waiting. maybe my world needs both less and more. maybe the pushing is receiving of other things worth coming.
i wrote a letter i’ll never send. a letter that’s starting to feel like nothing, again. because this moment never lasts. this moment this morning this marvellousness this momentum.
because what goes up…
a suddenness made from rose petals and champagne – an all-too-soon mix of whiskey emotions.
and burning my heart.
it’s the first, today. i’m breathing into happiness and pain. a wonderful realisation of timing, to move on.
and returning to start.
the last time i see you will happen so soon. or maybe it has already passed…
time will tell the depth of my secrets, they’re hidden in the sun, the moon and the stars.
he just can’t.