filling the void

sirens and whistles and cheering. sounds like football, sounds like winter. there’s a certain comfort you get from the familiar. and football is familiar.

growing up with an absolute loathing for what was expected of me to watch and enjoy. growing up and growing to love. at seven, i preferred eating red lollies and playing with equally disinterested little girls to watching my brother play. at seventeen, i didn’t care much for the game, rather i watched the players in their short little shorts and tight sleeveless tops. grabbing and groping and grunting.

i’m glad i outgrew that. the allure of “talent”, “infamy”, “glamour”. now, i don’t care much for the game or at all for the players. but the sounds…oh, they remind me of all the winter days of my life.

as the weather moves through autumn to winter, i am comforted by the familiar.

rain, rain, go away

it’s raining today. it’s wintry. it’s still autumn, go away. 

driving today. two-and-a-bit hours to meningie to watch a football game. and it’s raining. the rain doesn’t compare to the rain in the place i was. it’s cold here. it’s piercing. it makes your skin sore to touch from the horrible freezing sting of it. 

jed shakes more in the rain. he smells too. wet dog. but he isn’t unhappy. not like me. i miss the humid rain. when it got warmer as it fell. 

but the football. it will be freezing. down by the murray river where the air skips off the water and takes the icy temperature with it. 

we’ll sit in the car though. i’ll wear two pairs of socks. i’ll bring a blanket and drink hot chocolate from a thermos wrapped in hands wrapped in leather gloves.

it’s cold.