don’t let your dreams be dreams
– jack johnson
so i change and break, and move and stay and fall and fly and hurt and stumble, and i get right back up. those moments of shifting and deciding what’s right or worthy or wrong or hopeful will bring resolve to my life my path my future.
i’ll find the answers in the roots, in the arteries of the empathy and the reason for it all.
why do the pieces fall in the places they do?
why do they fall at all?
i make patterns from the chaos and pictures in the litter. this life is beaming with possibilities so open, endless. infinite. i choose what i choose and i follow the lead of my heart. her beat lays braille, she’s the compass i read, wide-eyed and willingly. and the touch pulls me gently, the faintest flutter, the air in a butterfly’s wings.
she’ll pave a way through the wilderness of this wonderful, beautiful, magical world.
in between now and then, i’ll live a little life. i’ll live a life of hellos, goodbyes. of planes and trains.
i’ll live a life in google maps and questions on directions. a fear of buses, subways, trams. people and crowds, how i’ll carry my bags.
[i’ll wish i had a backpack, i’ll wish i had a suitcase.]
i’ll live a life of missing home. missing the comfort. missing things that happen when i’m gone – because that world keeps spinning too, it doesn’t stop for me – but knowing there’s a point to all the chaos and emotion. i’ll live a life of budgets. happy hour and cheap eats. drinking espressos, dirty hair and shoes in the shower. finding so much kindness in strangers, travellers. wanting so much to give it all back.
i’ll live a life of no complaints. new friends, old friends, reuniting and leaving again. wondering where it is i’ll finally stop. end. find content. build a life. or is this just it, all the bricks and mortar?
i’ll live a life of pinching myself. because none of this feels real. because i could have only ever dreamed it. but now i’m here, i’m there, i’m going everywhere.
and nothing can stop me!
and life is so wonderful!
and i can’t even tell you how but my soul beams light energy and my heart fills with love at the thought of everyone, everything, every precious moment still to come!
so i’ll live a life of living. a life of finding a place of doing, a place that feels oh so bloody right. a place made of dreaming and loving and everything else that’s nice.
everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.
two months have passed in paradise.
it feels like two hours and two years at the same time. i have done so much, created incredible connections with incredible people. i have fallen in love with everything and everyone and every experience. and i’ve done it all in record time.
i’m learning, figuring out who i am, who i want to be, and what i want from this glorious adventure, this insane year.
my world has become a flower blossoming with opportunity – so apt for the springtime, so perfect for all the tomorrows and next years and forever and evers.
so i’m making promises, not plans. finding joy, excitement, passion. feeling, with every sense, this world i wake in and fall asleep in – every day and night.
happiness fills my veins and pumps my heart so open to love and light.
everyday is sunday for me now. everyday is doing what i love. i wonder why it took so long to figure out that this is how i should be living. this is me saying yes to my heart.
they say, ‘follow your dreams, this year will be the best, make the most of 2014, start doing what you love.’
and i say, ‘okay.’
i’ve never wanted anything more. so here i go, roaring into the wild.
life is causing this incredible swell, a ferocious movement in the universe. in every cell of my body. in everything around me. i don’t fight it, or even try. i don’t want to.
i don’t swim against the tide. i float and follow the wind to that paradise in my mind.
i spy, with my little eye. something beginning with l.
it’s a little bit scary and a little bit exciting. it’s hard, but it’s worth it. it’s up and it’s down and it’s everything in between. it’s love, only love. it’s precious and fragile. and anything you want it to be. it’s more than what you see, what you hold. it’s all of what you feel.
wonderful, beautiful, terrifying.
i spy, with my little eye, something beginning now.
it’s all it’s going to take, before my life is turned upside down.
or right way round…
maybe that’s what i’ve been missing.
i’ve quit my job. i’ve sold my things. they mean so little now. i’ve thrown myself into uncomfortableness.
and it feels so nice.
i dreamt about it for the first time, last night.
i know it will happen more often. the closer, closer, closer it gets.
paranoia, fear, anxiety. muddled in a delicious cocktail of hope, excitement and relief.
finally, i’m hunting.