my beloved

the people here, they get me. they get what i’m about and so they get all of me. the conversations were what i missed most when i left. and they’re what i’m most grateful for, being back.

it has been a while now since i started realising the force of these islands. realising where we all stand in the greater, grander, more powerful way of life. realising how we create a collective energy and feed the vibrations of all that surrounds us. in the fibres of the leaves on the trees so old or young. in the petals of the flowers that hang from branches, that rest behind ears. in the simple creation and dissipation of a single raindrop and the rain and storms from rainclouds and storm clouds in a sky so wide.

we are the everything we find in the spectrum of a rainbow. we’re all the colours, all the brightness. we’re all the stopping and staring, the awe and the wonder. and it’s here that my energy finds your energy and you don’t ebb to my flow but we swim up the rivers of our lives as one, single, pulsating devotion to all that is beautiful, for all that exists with or without us here.

because life goes on. but life on these islands works like magic. it ticks with the hands of a watch built in history, mythology and indescribable happenstance that only lives alongside hearts wide open and souls ready to be filled to the brim with the all of it.

this island, you all, get the all of me, like maybe no one has ever known. so go, find me in the valleys, find me on the ridges. find me in the ocean and on beaches. find me where you need me and know that i’ll appear, in glistening sunsets and never-ending horizons that seem so close as we watch them fall away with the push and pull of the sun. know i’ll be here, for you with you in you.

what it so desperately needs

feed my soul.

my skin, my cells, my blood, muscles and bones – my body – feels happy, full, strong. but like a starving bluebird in an ornate cage, i ache. i hunger. for everything i don’t have. for everything i need to survive, to flourish, to dream. to be me [my spirit, my life, my soul – the energy of my being].

a waterfall of flavour, a torrent of craving. it will never be enough.

you know, you do.

it was like it always existed, but never showed up til then. til now.

there’s an alchemist that lives in my heart. he injects my veins with love, with light, with energy, spirit, passion, hunger for belonging, and longing for it all. i watch as the elixir evaporates into tiny particles of loveliness. like sundays in a summer dress; autumn leaves that float too gently through the rippling breeze; dew gathering momentum as it slides into itself down blades of grass; then the smell of spring – of tulips, a hillside, the warming sun on dampened pavement.

the seasons of my heart, making good what has never been bad, just empty. til then, til now. i watch it fall like the leaves of the elm trees that line the street below my house.

i felt the tingle, the heat, the euphoria.

she tells a story, at the end of every class. it’s spiritual, always. then there’s the way she talks through the postures: the reason for the stretch, the pain, the suffocation. the way you feel in each pose. what it means for your spirit. she brings it back to the breath, the pranic breath that clears the day and cleanses the soul. readies you for new life, because breath is life.

in and out, the energy floods my body.

it was hot in the room tonight, because it was hot today. and my water was warm. there was no relief. sweat poured from my pores as soon as i walked in. but it felt good. it felt like the day was melting away. this day, filled with negativity, leaving my body, disappearing with every stretch in every direction. the heat was oppressive, but it was undeniably liberating: each breath, new life.

with my ear on the towel, she drew my attention to my heartbeat and the sound of every inhale and every exhale. there it was, so steady and strong. i was emptying my lungs of everything unnecessary. filling them with intention.

it was a nice reminder – never, never, never forget my heart.