autumn

IMG_9165
[photo: greenlake. seattle, washington]

i don’t know where it came from, but i stumble gracefully over it with fear, with excitement, with a truth and ease to settle me.
i don’t know why it’s now,
but i know it’s happening
with or without me knowing why.
so maybe that’s a reason to give in to the reality of the feelings spreading over and through my skin [and where you’ve been caught so comfortably underneath it all].

my mind is flushed with rose
as i watch the leaves fall for fall,
in a colour not too different.

we smile through glances that last not a second too long.
we sip coffee and talk like it’s been more than a little while coming.
and the weather makes for a never-ending day cool enough to cool what’s burning in questions and answers all the same.

under it all

i peel through layers of flesh of blood to the very last cell of my very hopeful being.
i run my fingers along your skin and think i’d like to try it on you, too.

escape with me
let’s run free along coastlines made of wildflowers.
through mountains scattered in snow.
in sunshine or sun showers on sundays,
through rainbows.
you’ll be my pot of gold. and i promise, i’ll hold tight to the greatest treasure i’ll ever have, so gently and so safe.

feel my heartbeat when your eyes meet mine. feel me dissolve in you and become so intertwined
there’s no detangling this beautiful mess.
so we’ll revel in the rest
waiting to be tied in double knots
a million times over again.

you’ll become my everything.
my reason.
my breath.
my saving grace.
i’ll pull you apart, and fill your cracks with me. your love. my love.

no heavens no dreams no imagination. i’ll find you, all flesh and blood. you’ll make me see, you’ll make it feel like make-believe, you’ll make me want this us, this we. as we fall so madly, irrevocably, so hungrily in love.

see, this is what you do

it smells like rain outside.

my mind is too fucking full, my heart is too fucking full. there is too much of me that wants too much of you. and i’ll never know it if all i can tell you is it smells like rain outside. 

how was your day, how was your pb and j, how was anything and everything – tell me your fucking life story.

loosen

i am a dreamer. 

but that wasn’t a dream. what it did to me, how it felt, that was real life.

but ethereal.

magical, wonderful, beautiful.

perfect.

clarity. that’s what i need. my mind is just too full. 

karlsruhe

i once kissed a boy with a ring in his nose. right through the middle.

he was german and spoke broken english. his name was alex and he smiled like a kid.

i swear i saw him again.
on the other end of the world.
on the streets of san francisco.
but maybe my imagination played a pretty little trick on me.

then again,
maybe not.

fancy dreams

i’ll dream you up in a big fat cloud of wishes come true…

i’ll bathe in your deliciousness.

forever, my darling. my sweet sugar pie. let’s dance under moonlight, kiss in the rain, pinky promise and cross our hearts. intertwine our fingers, hand holding and strolling side-by-side. let’s picnic in fields of sweet-smelling wild flowers and watch the setting sun throw pinks across the pastel sky as it slowly disappears behind the rolling hills.

i’ll fall gently to sleep in the nook of your shoulder, your arm around me, your fingers sweeping across my skin. oh boy, will my dreams be sweet.

my love.
my lover.
my loving heart.

as it will be

take my heart and cross it with your own.

don’t
let me down.

take my memories and dot them with your scent.

please
find your way to me.

take your fingers and run them through my hair, mean it how i feel it. hold my cheek so gently in your hand, and stare into my eyes. with longing, terrifying, silent explosions of tenderness, hopefulness, joyousness. with love.

you’ll find my life in yours and yours in mine. my blood in your veins. your skin on my skin. my tears will fall from your eyes. your sweat will bead from my pores.

our hearts,
will beat
to the squeeze and the rhythm of the other.

in yin and in yang, you will be me, and i will be you.

my cold,
your warmth.

your agony,
my strength.

my fear,
your courage.

your breath,
my survival.

wrap me in your words, follow me as i fall.

it’s okay, cloud nine will catch us.

hakuna matata

he kissed me in the middle of the street. on a still night, no wind, no noise. the smell of humidity, and rain on the road. the heat crawling up my legs.

he tasted like summer.

summer of lazy days that turn into night, so beautifully slow. dusk hanging on to day, so long. salty hair and sandy toes. breathless, completely taken [and happy to be] by the sun and the sea.

the heat makes my mind clear. i don’t think about tomorrow or what i have to do. it’s complete and euphoric silence in my mind. on days like these. summer and heat and sweaty legs on leather seats. windows trying their hardest.

the moment takes over my mind. not my thoughts. not the energy in my lungs or the feeling on my skin. it’s just an endless instant of nothingness. no future. no worries. just now. just this. just kisses in the middle of the street.

summer’s crawling into my life. pull me in whenever you like. i’m waiting for these moments, to blur my senses but sharpen my heart. to fall blindly into everything. i won’t let it be just about my mind. from now on, i’ll just do what feels right. no second thoughts. no weighing the options. i’ll just let it be and let live. que sera sera.

time to dream

i had a moment of bliss the other day, driving home from work. it’s just me, myself and i. alone. and in love. getting back to me, who i am, what i want. the person i want to be. a moment of bliss even after changing course.

i’m in love. with me. i’m working hard to be on my own. to grow my dreams. to hunt down destiny and pin it on my sleeve – next to where my heart sits. i always fall hard. always. and the worst part about ending those hard fallen relationships is that your entire view of the future is changed: month to month, week to week. you build a life out of hopes and thoughts and daydreams. then you burn the blueprints only to start all over again.

life is easier on my own.

i’m always compromising with myself. i should just remember i want what i want, and accept nothing less. but i just get caught up in the romanticism. the notion and the whimsy and the way it makes me feel. right now, all i want is an unadulterated love affair with me.

so destiny and my heart are pinned side by side, visible and vulnerable, but courageous and prepared. love will always save me.