logan joseph

he was born two days ago. a perfect miracle – two lives, one. a photo stilled my heart, i let out a sigh of love and disbelief at the beauty of his face, his two tiny hands resting gently on the blanket. big, bright eyes. a world of possibility.

so innocent, so unknowing. a tiny life that has changed so many others, with grace, already. and that’s the thing about a baby, about LJ. he made his mark from the second he arrived, the first time he looked into his mother’s eyes, the first time his father held him.

his life is a blessing, he is the extraordinary result of love. two hearts combined, two souls creating a destiny. it’s fate, in its purest form.

i am so proud of you lex – a brave and beautiful woman – and luis – a strong and willing father – you are both the reason for this miracle.

love found a way. love into life into little logan joseph.

without love, it’s all worthless. without hope, without faith and kindness, friendship and compassion. life is so much more than anything we know, more than anything we give it credit for.

be real, feel more. give, give, give. believe. care about everything you do and everything around you.

love, with all your heart, all of the time, for as long as you live.

what is.

everything feels frantic. i’m anxious and on edge. it feels like it’s all getting away from me. like life is moving too fast. and it’s taking my precious time with it. 

i feel out of control. out of my body, at times. i feel disconnected and everything seems vague and dreamlike. it’s unnerving. 

i like to be in control. it’s testing to not be. and it’s taking it’s toll.

oh give me something tangible to take into my dreams. something to hold onto in the darkness. make my life miserably brilliant. depressingly perfect. enviable to myself. bring me my wishes and princes on white horses. rainbows with treasure chests and fairy dust at my bedside. let me wake to beautiful memories of dreams too painfully vivid. everlasting love and til death do we part. those kisses that will bring you back to life. 

the fairytale.

let me live it and remember it forever.

and these moments now, of uncontrollableness, well let them be a part of it all. the bigger picture of life and other things. the contrast of the serene beauty and the painstaking reality of a passionate life. the ghost of regret that lingers too long, no matter your denial.

i’ll live in the moment. there’s nothing but now. i’ll remember that the next time i listen to you speak, and nothing sinks in. i’ll be present. stay here. listen. take it all in. i won’t be absent, i’ll be involved.

cross my heart.

we were speaking about it, mum and i, standing outside our beach house. a rainbow appeared in the sky, the end of it glowing gently on the surface of the sea. it grew and it intensified and it became a perfect full rainbow. you can’t tell me there’s nothing after this life.