i flung open all the doors and windows and let the wind rush through the house. our little home we’ve filled with us. i hear traffic, i hear the trees, i hear the sprinkler as water droplets land with gentle splatters on our concrete driveway. i feel the warmth. my skin is so slightly sun kissed, my hair salted and wild. i’m happy.
we’ve been swimming in the ocean morning and night, filling our hearts with the sea and the pleasure she brings. running into the waves with my love, playing with him and watching as his eyes turn the colour of the sea. the very act of diving in, opening my eyes to the underwater, being swayed on the tide – it makes me feel more alive, more connected. more creative and beautiful, meant-to-be and joyful and free.
swimming in the sea seems to me forever a way to draw closer to everything i am and want to be.
we walked along [hand-in-hand] sinking ever so slightly into the spongey, dampened sand. the moon followed us as we walked with it in sight, watching waves steadily unfurl along the length of the beach. we spoke about life and how we truly want to live.
there’s something energetic about watching the moon over the ocean in the morning time. like maybe it’s quietly talking to the tide, telling it come along now, move with me around our mother earth.
maybe it was quietly talking to us, too. telling us to come along and join her on her everchanging but constant moving adventure.
this year will be filled with just that. our constant moving growing love, across our everchanging life as one.
workdays this week started with sweat and vitamin sea. my little AM jaunts to the beach took me further from the sounds of the morning commute and into the white noise of gentle waves and birds’ wings and sand whispering under my feet.
clouds above me
sea below me
i catch my breath on the ebbing of the tide.
love within me
earth surrounds me
the magic of this life settles deep within.
i don’t hear a thing but the beating of my heart,
racing to slow.
i float a while, my mind clears. [it’s never quite a while enough. so i hold these beautiful moments so near.]
the ocean hears my soul. the ocean heals my soul.
You and blue midweek moments, the chilly sea, a cup of chamomile tea, to settle the soul.
and all is right,
with you by my side.
the nights are hardest.
they beat me down in the sweetest dreaming, your face our stories our unreal life played out in my sleep. they haunt me with waking in deep breaths and gasps, slowly coming to. if only it were really you.
the days are hard too, though. the silent murderess, thinking sunlight will blind me from my loneliness, thinking work and busyness will keep my mind at rest.
morning and noon and night you’re on my mind you’re on my heart your burning through my soul, on fire. and the heat takes me [forever] over, and our memories devour me whole.
i keep waiting, i’d wait forever, the stars watching on in blinking steadiness. they wait too.
we all wait together.
we wait for you.
until we’re dreaming side by side or daydreaming in the sunlight. and into day and into night and on and on and on we go, floating into our very near, very pretty, very together kinda forever.
[waitpinga beach, south australia]
today, i sat on a beach and watched the sunset over the ocean. i walked along its shores and let the sea run through my toes. i waited in the whitewash, i sank in the wetness.
i walked to drier ground and sat and watched the waves. i picked up sand, rubbed it between my fingers as i thought about being there. truly there. i let it hold me up, i let myself dig deeper down. i felt it’s cool damp. i saw birds and smelled air so fresh, like dry grass wet from the cooling eve. i felt the warmth on my skin and i squinted at the brightness of the day’s last light. spots formed in my vision after staring at the sun for too long, they clouded my sight, i rubbed my eyes. remembered what we were told and wondered if staring at a setting sun was alright… it sank below the horizon, turning the sky a simple faded red. an island in the foreground, its painted silhouette.
i felt a lot. i felt my breath. i counted out my inhales and my exhales. i matched them, second for second. i thought of everything and nothing and i was there, fully there. i was in myself, out of myself, within the earth. it felt like i was everywhere. i watched fishermen reel in their catches, grins spread across their faces, rods bowing at the the current and fish pulling to be free. the waves crashed to shore, out again they went. just like my breath, steady and knowing and sure.
i can’t help myself.
and we’re so in love
and we’re moving in this very same very beautiful direction. into one another, into whatever’s coming next.
today it felt so good, to be whipped by salty air.
my favourite air to breathe.
i inhaled deep.
it threw my hair in tangles. my eyes wept in stinging and cleansing as my body warmed from walking and talking and clearing my mind of all the fear and worry.
i battled today.
sometimes it feels constant and unforgiving, a little piece of everyday.
sometimes it creeps into my dreaming.
but each time, i learn more. and when i need it most, words of wisdom stoke my will to fight.
but today i turned the darkness into light as she walked by me and told me stories. as she smiled and we laughed and i knew it was
i was lashed by the cool wailing wind
of autumn by the sea.
it stirred me up
and then it set me free.