i flung open all the doors and windows and let the wind rush through the house. our little home we’ve filled with us. i hear traffic, i hear the trees, i hear the sprinkler as water droplets land with gentle splatters on our concrete driveway. i feel the warmth. my skin is so slightly sun kissed, my hair salted and wild. i’m happy.
we’ve been swimming in the ocean morning and night, filling our hearts with the sea and the pleasure she brings. running into the waves with my love, playing with him and watching as his eyes turn the colour of the sea. the very act of diving in, opening my eyes to the underwater, being swayed on the tide – it makes me feel more alive, more connected. more creative and beautiful, meant-to-be and joyful and free.
swimming in the sea seems to me forever a way to draw closer to everything i am and want to be.
workdays this week started with sweat and vitamin sea. my little AM jaunts to the beach took me further from the sounds of the morning commute and into the white noise of gentle waves and birds’ wings and sand whispering under my feet.
you’re just too far away.
the distance leaves salty stains across my heart.
and the closer it comes,
the further it feels.
it should only be happiness, with all that awaits us.
but i miss you more deeply than i ever have before.
i can’t help myself.
and we’re so in love
and we’re moving in this very same very beautiful direction. into one another, into whatever’s coming next.
something stirred as i watched him explore and realised he is really, truly here.
seal rocks, new south wales.
i’ve always followed my heart. this time more than ever. and i’m on my way home. so here i go. running into the wild once more, love guiding me and filling me and sustaining me. love holding me up. love right there. a love like ours. my love. your love. this love this life, ours ours ours.
hanging out with my new mate. hiking the yurrebilla trail, south australia. from belair to eagle on the hill.
#adventuresundays [one hundred and forty six]
ingalalla falls. yankalilla, south australia.
because adventure, waterfalls, a good friend and a sunday all help cleanse the soul.
it’s all become clear.
i get it.
i see it!
what i feel
what you feel.
from near and from [this painfully] far.
i get it i see it. and it’s love. it’s our love.
oh my darling! it’s our big, big love.
and even still,
it’s even more.
today was hard. today i felt, a lot.
good bad indifferent. i felt it all and i wallowed in it all.
good bad indifferent.
then i swallowed my stubbornness and sorriness and dragged myself to yoga. back on the mat, there was purpose. there was reason. i moved, without thinking of anything but moving, and the heat and the stretch and the pain falling from my bones. and for that time in the room, i wept through sweat as i found a pace, a flow a rhythm. and my thoughts drifted away, somewhere nearby but not too near to my mind. it cleared. there were no worries. i simply did not care. and there was no thinking too far ahead.
it all came back to the
as i realised, completely and honestly, it’s all there is. it’s all we have. it’s all we’ll ever really have. and as time slides effortlessly away, we understand how precious and fragile this whole thing is. we don’t have forever.
fuck, we barely have today.
why, in my right mindfulness, would i ever dream of wasting time consumed by doubt or fear, worry or planning.
fuck! i have my life to live!
but we do it. constantly. we find the faults and flaws and horror in our average day to day existence. we don’t take advantage of the beauty and just being and the fragility, the impermanence.
but what a life this is. how could i ever complain? it’s not relative, it’s ridiculous.
i stop and i think and i take a look around. i feel it filling me.
in the ache of my legs from using them in all their capability, in all their strength. the music that plays. the hum of the heater and the warmth it brings. a man that isn’t afraid to love me from so far away. the comfort of this life in all its pure and wholesome blessedness. my ability to realise how ridiculous i’ve been. my will to make it all better.
we get down. we do it tough. we make it hard for ourselves. but at the end of it all, if there is joy, if there is love, what else can we want for?