i’ve been dreaming of far-away places. of travelling and exploring countries anew. i’ve been dreaming of adventure, of cities stuck in my subconscious just waiting to arrive at my real life.
my mind is taking me to dreamstates i forgot even existed. and with so much talk of meant-to-be and mother earth with her whispers of wind and sea and silence all at once, it’s hard to ignore.
just then. just then, i looked up to see a rainbow in the sky.
you can’t tell me she’s not helping to direct my course. you can’t tell me she’s not listening to all my wills and wants. so, wherever is next is where i’ll be. travelling the hypnotic motion of everything as it should be.
what an adventure this whole *time thing is.
and so it floats by.
two years of loving you, with the deepest, greatest love still to come. day by day it burns and grows.
spending our days this week in a cabin on san juan island, among the hummingbirds, bees and trees, taking only outdoor showers in the woods, spending starry evenings in a hot tub, grilling dinners on the beach or cooking shepherd’s pie with all the cabin doors and windows wide open, drinking red wine and watching a very golden moon rise next to mt baker across the water later and later each night.
his skin was aglow with the fading warming sun,
even his eyes looked piercingly alight.
he stared out, i told him to wait, he stopped for me [reluctantly].
he was swallowing sunbeams and shining them right back at the sky. he didn’t even know how wonderful he was in that moment, as i fell evermore in love. he didn’t even know that i could feel all of him from where i stood, not so far away.
[i feel it all over again when i look at the flush in his cheeks in the picture i took.]
somehow it came out in the day we shared – a sunday best spent – as the sun set and the moon rose, and we soaked in salty air
the moving tide moved us closer.
the conversation turned to starlight as the moon rose over the hill we sat upon. cloudless and windless, our minds were aflutter. red wine stained our thoughts and words and we laughed and laughed and laughed.
at the end of it all, i couldn’t believe how much i loved him.
i live two lives.
they are winding rivers flowing parallel.
they are ravines shifting and creaking side-by-side.
they are the branches and the roots of his favourite madrona tree, with its burnt orange bark and evergreen leaves.
they are the moon and the sun. they are darkness and light
[and lightness and love].
forever moving forward i still get lost in this world.
then lost in his.
we’re lost in our love.
we become those days where the moon stays high in the sun-drenched sky. we become those evenings that remain so bright with dusk. my river follows his direction; his ravine keeps mine safe; his roots feed my branches and we both grow and move and change. time licks at our hearts and brings us ever closer to each other.
we are the link, the reason, the intertwining force. and our hearts provide the space where our duality intersects. where our two lives become the perfect, placid grace of one. where we wish on one another, know the magic as we feel it. surrender and deliver and discover and become.
we live two lives, but we live them as one.
because that’s what we are.
you’re just too far away.
the distance leaves salty stains across my heart.
and the closer it comes,
the further it feels.
it should only be happiness, with all that awaits us.
but i miss you more deeply than i ever have before.