it’s only now

and now here i am writing in a cafe, the way it always used to be. sitting and writing and remembering i can. a little reflection, a little refreshment, a little feeling the way it should always be.

too much of the time i break from the work week without a reason or intention. this week was different. i was energetically drained and i truly acknowledged it. because it was important for me to be able to clear my mind and settle my soul.

the negativity has been taking it’s toll.

and just like that, with intention, i looked forward and assessed exactly what i needed.

the water was icy, but i told myself i needed to swim. i figured out i did [i know it now]. i stood in the shallows, a little surprised every time the water lapped against my dry skin. but deeper i went.

i looked toward the sunset shining its light on the water directly in my path and i dived in to meet it. it lit my way, i opened my eyes and let the saltiness cleanse those too. i lost my breath a little as the cold took hold.  i looked through the water, as far as i could, saw the sand below swaying with the current, small pieces of shell and seaweed rushing by.

and as i came up for air, i turned on my back, rinsed my hair from my face and let my mind become the clouds i was looking at. floating, uninterrupted, unworried. i stood up, a smile filling my face, body warming as the shock of the cold left me. and then i turned back to face the sunset and dived in once again.

you see, i knew the good it would do. it was too cold to be a pleasant ocean swim, but i wanted it to help me. i needed to do this for me. i did. 

i walked from the water, wiped myself down with my towel and sat on the sand to let the humid air dry the rest of me, as the stickiness of the ocean settled on my skin. i was just so happy.

we sat and watched the sun finish setting, and after, the last of the light threw fluorescent pink and orange and muted yellow upon clouds of all shapes and forms. it was, well… it reminded me where i live. how precious, how miraculous life is.

how wonderful it is to be alive.


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