i needed to swim in the ocean today. i needed to saturate my bones with the searing saltiness of this southern sea. on the edge of the country, i stood, as the waves tickled and buried my feet in the sand. for a moment, i gave into the sinking and the sticking before i wriggled my toes from the heaviness.
the water was unusually warm. i dragged my legs through the shallows, wade by wade by wade and dove into the surf, as the smallest of swells churned the water so constant, so refreshing so fucking crystal clear. under two feet of ocean, i spun to face the sky and opened my eyes to look up through that searing saltiness at the scorching, summer sun – a bright, white light that shifted upon the glassiness as the ocean moved in its own deep breaths on my behalf.
my eyes were burning long before the salt and the sun in the sea today. but, today’s pain brought relief from the home it has so recently been threatening.
it floated and it rested.
and i kept telling myself to give in, to feel how it feels, to let it cleanse me. let it renew me. let it be the therapy i was in so very desperate need of. with no words and no poetry and no writing and no talking and no thinking. let it be no feeling. let it be no afternoon nightmare. just let it be.
it seems i always forget
how much i need the sea.
bring me home, be my guide, walk with me into the rest of my life.