my mind is working overtime, more so than usual, and in a different way. i haven’t been thinking consuming thoughts, those that affect you, wire you to yourself internally. i have been thinking about the future, daydreaming, wondering when, how, what, if. all the opportunities and moments awaiting me, an hour away, a day away, a week away, however long away, i reach for them. i yearn for them. i can’t wait to be in them, looking back and thinking about how i longed for each moment.
i just don’t want to take them for granted.
it happens all too often. you’re in a place, at a particular time, feeling whole. and then it’s done. and then it’s gone. and you begin to think about it in hindsight. in retrospect. with a different mindset, headspace, emotionality. and you wonder why you didn’t suck every last particle of energy from that moment. why you didn’t capture the feeling in a little glass jar and put it under your pillow when you went to bed, just so you might recreate that relatively tiny space of lifetime in your dreams that night. and as many nights after that until the energy slowly seeped from the little cracks where the lid meets the glass by which time you had experienced a similar feeling to hold. and so the cycle could continue.
i painfully admit i have taken things for granted recently. i can see myself doing it, and i try my hardest to stop it, but i can’t. it is what it is. but i’ll never stop trying.
today was a day i couldn’t take for granted, even if i tried. i worked with my dad today. i sanded and painted and hammered and nail gunned. and it was a perfect day, doing things not everyone does in their life. doing things that make me appreciate where i have come from. who i am. my dad who can do anything.
exhausted, i sit in bed thinking about today and i put that feeling in my little glass jar.