i haven’t stopped in a while. i want to. for some time now, i’ve either been doing, planning, organising or discussing my life. and now, i’m coasting. coasting would be okay with me today if i was on the back of that tandem bicycle again, riding freely down the main street near my house in maui with tiana instructing: “pedal, pedal, pedal. aaaand coast” with lupe fiasco’s voice setting the day’s playlist in my head: kick push kick push kick push kick push and coast.
it’s a shame, island living doesn’t translate to adelaide. don’t get me wrong, i’m not looking for that anymore. no matter how much i yearn to be back there when i watch hawaii five-0 and remember that time and place. it wasn’t just maui either. it was who i was then. what i had to think about. the frame of mind i was in. the things awaiting my return. all those things seem to be lost. and it all surfaces when i see the scenery. and i remember. it’s physical, the feeling. it’s something i could do without.
the flow has changed. it feels like i’m drowning in rapids, in slow motion, drifting towards a waterfall. a big one. all i need is a raft, a paddle and a map so i can steer myself in the right direction. it’s overwhelming. i’m so lost. and i’m tired of talking about it. it will happen or it won’t. or it will happen soon or it will happen not so soon. for now, i’ll try my best to just stop thinking.