my hair is fading like it should.

i write.

i reread.

i over think.

i clean. i eat. i gym. i watch. i drive. i listen. i smell. i spit words out of my mouth without hearing them. i choke on the sound of peoples’ throats. trying to make meaningful conversation. (or at least conversation that means what it’s meant to (or at least means something (something basic – that’s all))).

i’m struggling. with my thoughts. paranoia. obsessiveness. ridiculous. it is ridiculous.

ridiculousness. ridiculously. ridicule. i ridicule myself. it’s me. it’s my fault. it’s everything i’ve worked so hard not to be.Β 

blah blah effing blah.

thoughts?

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