chocolate heals all? we’ll see.

i am waiting for tim tams. it’s 12:14am and i am waiting for tim tams. tim tams. tim tams. tim tams. well, tim tam…

you can probably tell it’s past my bed time. delirium kicks in. excitement because i can’t be tired anymore. there’s just no reason to be awake except for a bit of sugar i can probably do without and will only make me stay up later anyway. conundrum.

so, as i sit and wait for my tim tam, (for which my craving is now gone), i sit with my computer and think. i think about lots of things. food (obviously). people. tomorrow. whether i will get up and go for a walk on the beach in the morning. or sleep in and feel guilty when i see the beautiful day outside. life is full of tough decisions.

i was a little homesick this morning. missing tea and breakfast and chats with mum, and the day planned to a tee. without distraction or obstacles. you know, a boring day. but i woke late and i felt that guilty feeling and i rolled over, smiled, heard the sprinklers and thought of home. i don’t miss home. but at the same time, i miss feeling at home. don’t get me wrong, i do here, more and more everyday. but different people, different cultures, different food. different life. yes, i like it. i’m not complaining.

i’m just saying…

and perhaps i shouldn’t. perhaps i’m not meant to feel this feeling yet. perhaps it’s all too soon and i should think about something else and run away and let it be. whatever happens, happens. and all for a reason. but it’s something i want. something i miss. i can’t forget about it. can’t just think about something else. it’s not going away.

it’s gnawing at the back of my neck, in my heart, everyday. ache. not heavy, thank goodness. just dull. but strong enough to notice it’s missing.

yum yum tim tam.


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