i don’t know who i am sometimes. who i want to be – who i’m turning out to be. people make me want to be different, i make me want to be different. i remember as a kid, i said to my mum once: if i wasn’t me, i wouldn’t be friends with me. I didn’t really like myself very much, but then again, who does at 12 years old?
since then, i’ve grown to like the me i am. and even though i may be uncertain about who exactly i am, i still have a love for myself. i like how i’m growing, i like who i’m becoming. if i ever doubt any moment in my life, i always think if that didn’t happen, i wouldn’t be here. and i like where i am. i like who i am, who those moments allowed me to become – whoever that may be.
carrie bradshaw said: “the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. and if you can find someone to love the you you love, well that’s just fabulous.” [thank you my dear friend mel]. all the time i’ve been spending on my own recently has made me think about the relationship i have with myself. i am in love with me. and not in an arrogant, vain way. in a self loving, accepting, maturing way – or so i think. i haven’t thought about myself as both parts in the relationship much, but the more i do think about it, the more it makes sense. and here goes the sense making:
you have to live with yourself your entire life. and if you can’t stand yourself, how can anyone else…if you can’t love yourself, how can anyone else? and why should they? why should you expect a person to care for you/love you/think about you/want to be around you when you can’t do any of those things for yourself? i used to hate being alone. i used to hate doing things without someone standing by my side. and yes, i appreciate the fact that company is lovely and having people in your life is more important than ever at times. but, when everyone’s left the party, will you be okay on your own?
i’m still learning things about myself – and probably will my entire life. but with that comes a love for discovery. when i was in high school, i used to be so sure of myself. i had strong morals, direction, a plan. and all that floated away when i realised things change, people change, life changes and along with all that, i was changing too. growing.
i like myself. you should like yourself too. you’re a pretty important part of your life. this love story is only just beginning.