fading.

today, i had a mole cut out. from my back. it was a very strange feeling.

i thought about what i was doing. lying on my tummy on the bed in theatre 1, i contemplated whether or not i wanted to do this…this was a piece of me. i thought about plastic surgery, i could never do it. changing something, willingly, about yourself is an interesting feeling. a feeling i could do without.

there was nothing suspicious about this mole. i just didn’t like it. i’m a vain person. and it made me feel bad. poor mole. silly me. i have wanted to do this for years now and finally, when the day came, i was nervous. what if this isn’t the right thing to do? it put me in a strange situation. something i wanted so bad, i started doubting. i felt selfish. i hate that feeling.

they’re doing a biopsy on my mole. but, i’m sure it will be fine. it’s being sent away in a clear little tub to be probed and tested. peace of mind.

the scar will be about an inch long. running vertically up my back, just to the right of my spine. a self induced scar. a scar i’ll have for life. reminding me how selfish i am. vain. but, it was a decision i made. and i’m okay with that. i’m okay. i accept the person i am and the decisions i make. 

the scar will fade. so will this feeling.

thoughts?

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