i am starting to remember things by feel. remembering smells, emotions, the time, and not just events, what happened, words.
lying in bed this morning, i thought about summer. i closed my eyes and imagined i was waking up with the smell of grass mixed with the heat of the morning relieved by the coolness inside. the tick of the fan, spinning all night. the lawn mower rumbles to life. the smell of summer. i felt so relaxed and happy. that smell filled my head with thoughts of saturdays doing chores, watching tv, drinking juice, eating ice blocks.
i hate winter. i decided that today. i hate being cold. i hate the smell of damp air. i hate staying inside with artificial heat making a vain attempt to comfort me. i’m sorry heater, you just don’t cut it. i loathe winter. looking outside this morning, i was excited. the sun was out. i stepped outside and was greeted by stiff, still, numbing air threatening to take away my breath. somewhat of a juxtaposition.
i don’t know where i’m going to be in five years, two years, next year. but, i do know i can’t stand the cold. i think i’ll chase summer around the world.
adelaide, i miss your warm days.