dreamstate

i’ve been dreaming of far-away places. of travelling and exploring countries anew. i’ve been dreaming of adventure, of cities stuck in my subconscious just waiting to arrive at my real life.

my mind is taking me to dreamstates i forgot even existed. and with so much talk of meant-to-be and mother earth with her whispers of wind and sea and silence all at once, it’s hard to ignore.

just then. just then, i looked up to see a rainbow in the sky.

you can’t tell me she’s not helping to direct my course. you can’t tell me she’s not listening to all my wills and wants. so, wherever is next is where i’ll be. travelling the hypnotic motion of everything as it should be.

[tue/wed/thu/fri]

workdays this week started with sweat and vitamin sea. my little AM jaunts to the beach took me further from the sounds of the morning commute and into the white noise of gentle waves and birds’ wings and sand whispering under my feet.

float

clouds above me
sea below me
i catch my breath on the ebbing of the tide.
love within me
earth surrounds me
the magic of this life settles deep within.

i don’t hear a thing but the beating of my heart,
racing to slow.

i float a while, my mind clears. [it’s never quite a while enough. so i hold these beautiful moments so near.]

the ocean hears my soul. the ocean heals my soul.

everywhere and here

i was overcome by the feeling of gratitude and dissolving into being here. he’s here. with me. with this love so deep.

i wasn’t ready for it to hit me like it did. to all at once remember and feel so lucky to know this is how it all worked out. the most perfect life of moments all leading to that night we met. on the other side of the world. where i was never planning to be. and neither was he.

and how could it be that we could make it there together to that place in a space so open and ready for this love that was delivered to us, or we sought out, or stumbled upon and so willingly found. in the blink of an eye it was us. in the beat of a heart we fell in love.

forevermore

i get to love you. no matter what. that’s my greatest adventure – loving you with all my heart. oh and how achingly beautiful it is, how deeply you love me back.

we’re reaching milestones. days together, years, now. days not spent apart. nights, too. and nearly 365 since we bound our hearts and lives officially [though it’s been so much longer in love].

and all the days ahead and all of them past aren’t even enough to hold and show the love i have to give to you. there just aren’t enough hours left in my life to let me love you in the deepest, warmest, loveliest ways i want.

and that’s all i’ll ever want to do. [forever just has to be long enough.]

our everlasting love lives across all the lifetimes we’ll spend loving and searching and loving again.

it’s only now

and now here i am writing in a cafe, the way it always used to be. sitting and writing and remembering i can. a little reflection, a little refreshment, a little feeling the way it should always be.

too much of the time i break from the work week without a reason or intention. this week was different. i was energetically drained and i truly acknowledged it. because it was important for me to be able to clear my mind and settle my soul.

the negativity has been taking it’s toll.

and just like that, with intention, i looked forward and assessed exactly what i needed.

the water was icy, but i told myself i needed to swim. i figured out i did [i know it now]. i stood in the shallows, a little surprised every time the water lapped against my dry skin. but deeper i went.

i looked toward the sunset shining its light on the water directly in my path and i dived in to meet it. it lit my way, i opened my eyes and let the saltiness cleanse those too. i lost my breath a little as the cold took hold.  i looked through the water, as far as i could, saw the sand below swaying with the current, small pieces of shell and seaweed rushing by.

and as i came up for air, i turned on my back, rinsed my hair from my face and let my mind become the clouds i was looking at. floating, uninterrupted, unworried. i stood up, a smile filling my face, body warming as the shock of the cold left me. and then i turned back to face the sunset and dived in once again.

you see, i knew the good it would do. it was too cold to be a pleasant ocean swim, but i wanted it to help me. i needed to do this for me. i did. 

i walked from the water, wiped myself down with my towel and sat on the sand to let the humid air dry the rest of me, as the stickiness of the ocean settled on my skin. i was just so happy.

we sat and watched the sun finish setting, and after, the last of the light threw fluorescent pink and orange and muted yellow upon clouds of all shapes and forms. it was, well… it reminded me where i live. how precious, how miraculous life is.

how wonderful it is to be alive.